Things I regret about Chicago:
*That I carried my camera around, but decided to rely on my friends pics (which are wonderful btw and thank you so much for sharing!)... BUT I really wish I had my own.
*That I didn't get to spend more one on one time with you. I think I was able to get to everyone to meet them, say hello, and hug... but I wish I had more time to talk. Those of you I did have the privilege of spending time with... well, it's true that everyone was as fabulous (and even more) than they are on their blogs. I enjoyed our conversations so much, and our bands gave us a bond, but it was even more amazing to learn about your lives and personalities... some things aren't possible on a computer. However, I do have to agree that everyone was exactly as I thought they'd be. It felt amazing and natural. A true sisterhood in every sense.
*That some of you couldn't make it. I promise that those who weren't there, were truly missed. We did toast to you, and openly expressed our desire for you to be there with us.
*That I can't remember some of it... ;)
*That I need sleep (unlike some of you energizer bunnies). I can not even believe I was worried that no one would want to let loose. Umm... yeah... that's obviously not a problem.
*That I had to go back to work today.
I'd say that this was a once in a lifetime event for me, however I think I'd move heaven and earth to do it again, WHEN the next opportunity comes around. From my perspective, I think every BOOB who was there, wouldn't miss the next one for the world... and our BOOBs (events) are only going to get bigger!
I've learned my lessons, and next time I will have NO regrets!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sorry I'm not sorry...
So, it looks like Ambien posts are not a thing of the past. Nor can I promise or expect that they will not happen in the future. Um, so I left out that my hair was blonde when I was little, turned an unfortunate mousy brown, and now is chemically enhanced back to a light brown, dark blonde (or green, depending). Anyway, don't know what the bed bug talk was all about. I guess if you have them, you'd know it? Anyway, isn't there some epidemic going around? Don't know.
CHICAGO! TOMORROW! My current worry is that I hate flying. The last time I was on a flight, I was in the 250's and the seat belt just BARELY would go on without an extender. I am seriously hoping that being thinner makes this whole thing not so clausterphobic. I also hate the whole post 9/11 process. I know it's for our safety (blah blah blah), but my anxiety doesn't really seem to care. If I can get through without being rude to someone, I'll be pleased. Oh, and my other fear is that the airline will lose my luggage. The second I pick up my luggage in Chicago... it will be ALL FUN from that point on. Did I mention I'm ready to have a little fun??? The flight will be so worth it!
This is probably my last post for a little bit. I'm taking my camera, but haven't had a chance to download the software onto my laptop yet. If I was a better BOOB, I'd get right on that so I could post pictures during Chicago, but that's an optional thing right now. It might have to be another sorry I'm not sorry. Just full of them when it's crunch time.
Ok... packing to do. Everyone travel safely! See you in CHICAGO!
CHICAGO! TOMORROW! My current worry is that I hate flying. The last time I was on a flight, I was in the 250's and the seat belt just BARELY would go on without an extender. I am seriously hoping that being thinner makes this whole thing not so clausterphobic. I also hate the whole post 9/11 process. I know it's for our safety (blah blah blah), but my anxiety doesn't really seem to care. If I can get through without being rude to someone, I'll be pleased. Oh, and my other fear is that the airline will lose my luggage. The second I pick up my luggage in Chicago... it will be ALL FUN from that point on. Did I mention I'm ready to have a little fun??? The flight will be so worth it!
This is probably my last post for a little bit. I'm taking my camera, but haven't had a chance to download the software onto my laptop yet. If I was a better BOOB, I'd get right on that so I could post pictures during Chicago, but that's an optional thing right now. It might have to be another sorry I'm not sorry. Just full of them when it's crunch time.
Ok... packing to do. Everyone travel safely! See you in CHICAGO!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
BOOBS Answers
Hi all the boobie girls! Someone much more organized than I am thought it would be fun to know more about you, and she enlisted me to think of some crazy questions…so…this is sort of a Gillyified version of Drazil’s BYOC. Knock yourselves out.
1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favourite foods along. What do you bring?
Calzone stuffed with meat, cheese and sauce. Ribeye steak grilled to medium rare perfection. Bucket of movie theatre popcorn loaded with butter. Luckily, these aren't a special occasion (like what would you eat if you knew you only had three days to live?)foods. I eat and live this way with my band all the regular time. Just teeny tiny portions. I want everyday to be it's fullest, and I love food and am going to enjoy it appropriately.
2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?
The band "Queensryche"... oh, wait... I did that. How about Denzel Washington (everyone know chocolate is better than vanilla)... oh, wait... I did kind of meet him, too (our butts touched- I practically had sex with him). I know! I'd like to meet OPRAH!... oh, wait... I also did that. Guess you'll have to wait until my guilty pleasure answers for other people I'd like to meet.
3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)
Jasmine Brook (I've heard worse).
4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?
Sixteen, and I thought I was FAT. Really. Size six, perky boobs, no cellulite, tanned, long thin everything. Youth is wasted on the young. That's one reason I'm not going to waste being thin... I know how potentially fragile that can be and I'n going to go for every ounce of enjoyment from my weight loss that I can squeeze out of my chubby thighs. I've never had jiggly fat legs before, and my boobs sure could use a fill and lift, but expensive bras are working for now.
5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?
Yes,yes I do. I have lots a storires, but they're fun to talk about at parties, so let's get a little group together! There's also the haunted tour we could take, but those never seem to be as good as the real ones my friends and I share. Especially if we've been drinking. It could be a howling good time!!!
6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come? As a child I was naturally blond, which turned into the most boring mousey brown ever invented, and since college I have been giving it chemical encouragement to stay blond or light brown. Momma gave me one color, God gave me thoushands of colors.
7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?
Boxers. Thongs and a push up bra. And hopefully none of then for very long... :)
8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)
Napolean Dynimate, Hot Tub Time Machine, Scott Pilgrim VS the Woarld... are you picking up on an quiircky altrenative genre. Impossible to pick one, our choices change all the time. sorry.
9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)
Jersey Shore, Real Housewivesw of DC, RHW of Orange county, RHW of NY, RHW oc Jersey, and I'm really hoping on piloting the newest set of women on th Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I dare you to tell me that you not be Super Blazing Hot, and I'm not just talking about the 1,000 acres of wild fire out my back door. These women are shallow and naive... but I would honestly PAY money to see this professional put into production. Anyway.
10) Hw many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :)
130 lbs. I got into my size ten clothes last night. My twelvesw are getting too big. Woo hoo I love my band. I think the loss has been no wine for two weekends, but I need to find a way around that.
Thank god no more questions... I'm getting tired. I wake up for work tomorrow, for the very last time before I wake up to go to Chicago. Whoa. Cool. Until thin, good night, don't let the bed bugs bite (and you know who you are if you have them). Love you all... CAN'T WAIT TO HUG EVERY SINGLE BOOB! Sleep well my pretties!
1) You’re trapped on a desert island and you can bring only 3 of your favourite foods along. What do you bring?
Calzone stuffed with meat, cheese and sauce. Ribeye steak grilled to medium rare perfection. Bucket of movie theatre popcorn loaded with butter. Luckily, these aren't a special occasion (like what would you eat if you knew you only had three days to live?)foods. I eat and live this way with my band all the regular time. Just teeny tiny portions. I want everyday to be it's fullest, and I love food and am going to enjoy it appropriately.
2) If you could meet any 3 people, living or dead, who would they be and why?
The band "Queensryche"... oh, wait... I did that. How about Denzel Washington (everyone know chocolate is better than vanilla)... oh, wait... I did kind of meet him, too (our butts touched- I practically had sex with him). I know! I'd like to meet OPRAH!... oh, wait... I also did that. Guess you'll have to wait until my guilty pleasure answers for other people I'd like to meet.
3) What is your stripper name? (take the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on)
Jasmine Brook (I've heard worse).
4) How old were you when you lost your virginity? Alternative question if you don’t want to answer this: What is your LEAST favourite part of your bod since losing weight? Your MOST favourite since losing weight?
Sixteen, and I thought I was FAT. Really. Size six, perky boobs, no cellulite, tanned, long thin everything. Youth is wasted on the young. That's one reason I'm not going to waste being thin... I know how potentially fragile that can be and I'n going to go for every ounce of enjoyment from my weight loss that I can squeeze out of my chubby thighs. I've never had jiggly fat legs before, and my boobs sure could use a fill and lift, but expensive bras are working for now.
5) Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? Would you be willing to spend a night alone in a house that is supposedly haunted?
Yes,yes I do. I have lots a storires, but they're fun to talk about at parties, so let's get a little group together! There's also the haunted tour we could take, but those never seem to be as good as the real ones my friends and I share. Especially if we've been drinking. It could be a howling good time!!!
6) What is your natural hair colour? If you dye it something completely different from what your momma gave ya, how come? As a child I was naturally blond, which turned into the most boring mousey brown ever invented, and since college I have been giving it chemical encouragement to stay blond or light brown. Momma gave me one color, God gave me thoushands of colors.
7) Boxers or briefs? Alternatively…bikinis or granny panties?
Boxers. Thongs and a push up bra. And hopefully none of then for very long... :)
8) If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? (Trilogies do not count as one movie, cheaterpantses!)
Napolean Dynimate, Hot Tub Time Machine, Scott Pilgrim VS the Woarld... are you picking up on an quiircky altrenative genre. Impossible to pick one, our choices change all the time. sorry.
9) What is your guilty pleasure (feel free to go straight to the gutter with this one if the spirit moves you!)
Jersey Shore, Real Housewivesw of DC, RHW of Orange county, RHW of NY, RHW oc Jersey, and I'm really hoping on piloting the newest set of women on th Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I dare you to tell me that you not be Super Blazing Hot, and I'm not just talking about the 1,000 acres of wild fire out my back door. These women are shallow and naive... but I would honestly PAY money to see this professional put into production. Anyway.
10) Hw many pounds gone forever are you celebrating?? :)
130 lbs. I got into my size ten clothes last night. My twelvesw are getting too big. Woo hoo I love my band. I think the loss has been no wine for two weekends, but I need to find a way around that.
Thank god no more questions... I'm getting tired. I wake up for work tomorrow, for the very last time before I wake up to go to Chicago. Whoa. Cool. Until thin, good night, don't let the bed bugs bite (and you know who you are if you have them). Love you all... CAN'T WAIT TO HUG EVERY SINGLE BOOB! Sleep well my pretties!
This really is not breaking news...
but it was in the paper today. It's one of the major reasons I got my band.
Report: Obesity hurts your wallet and your health
September 21st, 2010 @ 1:49am
By LAURAN NEERGAARD
AP Medical Writer
WASHINGTON (AP) - Obesity puts a drag on the wallet as well as health, especially for women.
Doctors have long known that medical bills are higher for the obese, but that's only a portion of the real-life costs.
George Washington University researchers added in things like employee sick days, lost productivity, even the need for extra gasoline _ and found the annual cost of being obese is $4,879 for a woman and $2,646 for a man.
That's far more than the cost of being merely overweight _ $524 for women and $432 for men, concluded the report being released Tuesday, which analyzed previously published studies to come up with a total.
Why the difference between the sexes? Studies suggest larger women earn less than skinnier women, while wages don't differ when men pack on the pounds. That was a big surprise, said study co-author and health policy professor Christine Ferguson.
Researchers had expected everybody's wages to suffer with obesity, but "this indicates you're not that disadvantaged as a guy, from a wage perspective," said Ferguson, who plans to study why.
Then consider that obesity is linked to earlier death. While that's not something people usually consider a pocketbook issue, the report did average in the economic value of lost life. That brought women's annual obesity costs up to $8,365, and men's to $6,518.
The report was financed by one of the manufacturers of gastric banding, a type of obesity surgery.
The numbers are in line with other research and aren't surprising, said Dr. Kevin Schulman, a professor of medicine and health economist at Duke University who wasn't involved in the new report.
Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese, and childhood obesity has tripled in the past three decades. Nearly 18 percent of adolescents now are obese, facing a future of diabetes, heart disease and other ailments.
Looking at the price tag may help policymakers weigh the value of spending to prevent and fight obesity, said Schulman, pointing to factors like dietary changes over the past 30 years and physical environments that discourage physical activity.
"We're paying a very high price as a society for obesity, and why don't we think about it as a problem of enormous magnitude to our economy?" he asks. "We're creating obesity and we need to do a man-on-the-moon effort to solve this before those poor kids in elementary school become diabetic middle-aged people."
A major study published last year found medical spending averages $1,400 more a year for the obese than normal-weight people. Tuesday's report added mostly work-related costs _ things like sick days and disability claims _ related to those health problems.
It also included a quirky finding, a study that calculated nearly 1 billion additional gallons of gasoline are used every year because of increases in car passengers' weight since 1960.
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=201&sid=12512298
Report: Obesity hurts your wallet and your health
September 21st, 2010 @ 1:49am
By LAURAN NEERGAARD
AP Medical Writer
WASHINGTON (AP) - Obesity puts a drag on the wallet as well as health, especially for women.
Doctors have long known that medical bills are higher for the obese, but that's only a portion of the real-life costs.
George Washington University researchers added in things like employee sick days, lost productivity, even the need for extra gasoline _ and found the annual cost of being obese is $4,879 for a woman and $2,646 for a man.
That's far more than the cost of being merely overweight _ $524 for women and $432 for men, concluded the report being released Tuesday, which analyzed previously published studies to come up with a total.
Why the difference between the sexes? Studies suggest larger women earn less than skinnier women, while wages don't differ when men pack on the pounds. That was a big surprise, said study co-author and health policy professor Christine Ferguson.
Researchers had expected everybody's wages to suffer with obesity, but "this indicates you're not that disadvantaged as a guy, from a wage perspective," said Ferguson, who plans to study why.
Then consider that obesity is linked to earlier death. While that's not something people usually consider a pocketbook issue, the report did average in the economic value of lost life. That brought women's annual obesity costs up to $8,365, and men's to $6,518.
The report was financed by one of the manufacturers of gastric banding, a type of obesity surgery.
The numbers are in line with other research and aren't surprising, said Dr. Kevin Schulman, a professor of medicine and health economist at Duke University who wasn't involved in the new report.
Two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese, and childhood obesity has tripled in the past three decades. Nearly 18 percent of adolescents now are obese, facing a future of diabetes, heart disease and other ailments.
Looking at the price tag may help policymakers weigh the value of spending to prevent and fight obesity, said Schulman, pointing to factors like dietary changes over the past 30 years and physical environments that discourage physical activity.
"We're paying a very high price as a society for obesity, and why don't we think about it as a problem of enormous magnitude to our economy?" he asks. "We're creating obesity and we need to do a man-on-the-moon effort to solve this before those poor kids in elementary school become diabetic middle-aged people."
A major study published last year found medical spending averages $1,400 more a year for the obese than normal-weight people. Tuesday's report added mostly work-related costs _ things like sick days and disability claims _ related to those health problems.
It also included a quirky finding, a study that calculated nearly 1 billion additional gallons of gasoline are used every year because of increases in car passengers' weight since 1960.
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=201&sid=12512298
Sunday, September 19, 2010
ONLY TWO!
Two days to finish my project. In a weird way, it's alleviating any nervousness I would have had about Chicago, because I'm way more worried about finishing it on time and with a bang. And then I get to present as soon as I return, so I'll still be thinking about it.
I'm adding a third day to the project... working at home today. I am also doing laundry and packing today because there won't be any time during the week. There's nothing I can do about it at this point, but I hope what I'm taking clothing wise is ok. I wasn't putting too much effort into it, and after reading everyones blogs, I am starting to wonder if I should have. Sigh.
This week! I am however completely ready to have a banging time in Chicago. Please don't think poorly of me, I haven't been the party girl in a very long time (20 years), that I plan on being there. Well, maybe not THAT wild... but definitely crazier than I ever get at this point in my life. Now that I am allowed (by age) to do whatever I want (within the bounds of the law)... I CHOOSE not to. BORING!!! This week though... watch out! I think my biggest worry is that no one else will want to let loose. Please tell me that this concern is irrational. Please?
But, work first. Back to being a boring adult... but only for a few more days...
I'm adding a third day to the project... working at home today. I am also doing laundry and packing today because there won't be any time during the week. There's nothing I can do about it at this point, but I hope what I'm taking clothing wise is ok. I wasn't putting too much effort into it, and after reading everyones blogs, I am starting to wonder if I should have. Sigh.
This week! I am however completely ready to have a banging time in Chicago. Please don't think poorly of me, I haven't been the party girl in a very long time (20 years), that I plan on being there. Well, maybe not THAT wild... but definitely crazier than I ever get at this point in my life. Now that I am allowed (by age) to do whatever I want (within the bounds of the law)... I CHOOSE not to. BORING!!! This week though... watch out! I think my biggest worry is that no one else will want to let loose. Please tell me that this concern is irrational. Please?
But, work first. Back to being a boring adult... but only for a few more days...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sixty Nine
ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY NINE... POUNDS. I am in the 160's. This is good news especially because I think it's the first arbitrary goal I've ever met during this entire band process. It's ironic because I've actually (and thankfully) given up the diet mentality of needing to lose weight for anything specific other than for myself. For me, this isn't about pounds down or smaller sizes or even health. Honestly, it's about finding a way to effectively deal with an area of my life that was so out of balance. Everything beyond that is a fringe benefit (and I really do like fringe benefits). I feel good because I am no longer fighting a war with my relationship with food or with my body.
Whippet. My husband wanted a dog for his 40th birthday. After serious research and an impossible list of conditions (or so I thought!), my husband has found the perfect match, and we brought her home last night. Now, he has TWO skinny bitches! Yes, he really said that... and yes, that is precisely why I love my Mr. WONDERFUL! Updated pictures to follow at some undetermined point in the future, but she really is beautiful... I don't think I can compete.
My green hair is now more of a gray... so that's better at least. That's what I'll keep telling myself anyway. I'm not drinking for the second weekend, I guess to somehow make it better that I plan on drinking for three days in a row in Chicago. I could REALLY use a drink after this week. My project has taken another unexpected turn... and it always seems to happen on Friday afternoons. And, I'm planning the ultimate (not really, but not for lack of effort) Star Wars party for my soon to be six year old... and we're doing it the weekend after I get back. No wonder I really like drinking?!?
Ok, well I am so done with this week, and this day... going to bed... six days until Chicago... :)
Whippet. My husband wanted a dog for his 40th birthday. After serious research and an impossible list of conditions (or so I thought!), my husband has found the perfect match, and we brought her home last night. Now, he has TWO skinny bitches! Yes, he really said that... and yes, that is precisely why I love my Mr. WONDERFUL! Updated pictures to follow at some undetermined point in the future, but she really is beautiful... I don't think I can compete.
My green hair is now more of a gray... so that's better at least. That's what I'll keep telling myself anyway. I'm not drinking for the second weekend, I guess to somehow make it better that I plan on drinking for three days in a row in Chicago. I could REALLY use a drink after this week. My project has taken another unexpected turn... and it always seems to happen on Friday afternoons. And, I'm planning the ultimate (not really, but not for lack of effort) Star Wars party for my soon to be six year old... and we're doing it the weekend after I get back. No wonder I really like drinking?!?
Ok, well I am so done with this week, and this day... going to bed... six days until Chicago... :)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
zlogging we ll see how much i can keep it together
Are you worried about not looking as good as you'd like in Chicago? Then I may have an inexpensive and effective solution to suggest to YOU. What is this magical, too good to really be true CURE, you ask??? Well my friends, it's as easy as standing next to me. I have green hair. Any person standing next to me will automatically look fantastic. Or at least like you weren't in a rush to get things done, so decided to color your own hair in an effort to speed up the process of your upcoming hair appointment. I.look.pertty. Like an alien. An alien who has lost tons of weight, and now wants to invade Chicago with all of its normal haired friends. So, if you are feeling a little out of sorts, come find me, and it looks like I'll have no problem helping you out a bit. :)
Hey, who's going to get there on Thursday (besides me)? I think we should exchange cell phone numbers before our flights, just in case. That would also be handy if any of us decide we'd like to hang out on Thursday evening. Some of the planners may already have that done, but I can't remember at the moment.
I did it! I completed and Ambien blog before it hit... it seems nornalish to me. Which reminds me I need to call my DR for some chemical calming for my flights. Ok, enough before I embarrass myself any more. Love and hugs and kisses. See you in Chicago next week. NEXT WEEK!!!
Hey, who's going to get there on Thursday (besides me)? I think we should exchange cell phone numbers before our flights, just in case. That would also be handy if any of us decide we'd like to hang out on Thursday evening. Some of the planners may already have that done, but I can't remember at the moment.
I did it! I completed and Ambien blog before it hit... it seems nornalish to me. Which reminds me I need to call my DR for some chemical calming for my flights. Ok, enough before I embarrass myself any more. Love and hugs and kisses. See you in Chicago next week. NEXT WEEK!!!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Unfrozen and Autumn
Blog is working. I think. It was my amazing computer skills that fixed the problem (sarcasm). I'd explain it, but it's really rather technical (I signed in and out a couple of times). Anyway, onto a better subject...
AUTUMN. It's getting to be my favorite time of the year! It's been in the 40's at night and the mornings have been crisp, even if the days are still a little warm. Every year, I love buying fall candles and scents for our home and today I went shopping for some, and it was heaven. I also started baking again today, and the entire house smells delicious.
Another fall activity I love is shopping. If I had done my BYOC... I would have said my favorite school supply was CLOTHES. Of course while I was out shopping today, I had to look (and try on) (and buy a little)of this years fall fashions. It felt terrific to head to all regular size sections. It's been since 2003 that I've been able to do that.
Guess what? Chicken butt. Kidding. What I was going to say is that CHICAGO is in less than TWO weeks. This time two weeks from right.this.second... I will be hanging out with BOOBs... up close and in person. Wow. This will be the most fun fall I've had in a very long time.
AUTUMN. It's getting to be my favorite time of the year! It's been in the 40's at night and the mornings have been crisp, even if the days are still a little warm. Every year, I love buying fall candles and scents for our home and today I went shopping for some, and it was heaven. I also started baking again today, and the entire house smells delicious.
Another fall activity I love is shopping. If I had done my BYOC... I would have said my favorite school supply was CLOTHES. Of course while I was out shopping today, I had to look (and try on) (and buy a little)of this years fall fashions. It felt terrific to head to all regular size sections. It's been since 2003 that I've been able to do that.
Guess what? Chicken butt. Kidding. What I was going to say is that CHICAGO is in less than TWO weeks. This time two weeks from right.this.second... I will be hanging out with BOOBs... up close and in person. Wow. This will be the most fun fall I've had in a very long time.
My blog is F-R-O-Z-E-N solid.
Testing to see if this will post. How have you unfrozen your blogs... I think I remember other people having this problem? The blogger help hasn't been very user friendly (for me). Ugh.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I can not even BELIEVE I forgot THIS!
I know everyone is sick of me talking about my new job, but I promise this is directly band related. I've been so busy WORKING, that I forgot to even bring up how my new co-workers are reacting to a banded eater. My very first day at work, we went out to lunch. Honestly, no one noticed my teeny tiny portions. In fact, every.single.person. at the table was on one diet or another... and I think I ordered the least "diet" restricted food of anyone. Plus, I had leftovers that lasted me for the rest of the week.
Because I can eat so little during the day (usually only 100 calories at a time), I usually eat every 2-3 hours because I am genuinely hungry and need energy. I think my co-workers actually think I'm a pig because they've started teasing me about my first and second breakfast and my first and second lunch. No one even has a clue that I'm restricted surgically.
That leads me into honesty. In my recent past job, everyone watched my entire journey. I was open and honest about every aspect of it. I spoke freely about the entire process. Now, I don't even know how to bring it up if I wanted to. I didn't talk about it at our lunch, even though I fully particpated in all the other diet related discussion. But I did not open my mouth about surgical options. I don't know why.
It's fascinating for me to have people only know me as thin. It's indescribible the success I'm having meeting my professional goals. Actually, it's a bit intimidating. One of the main purposes for me getting my band was because I didn't believe I could advance being morbidly obese. Now that I've reached a "normal" weight (170, 5'7"- I'm still overweight, but size 12 is perfectly average)- I'm making fast ground professionally. Is it related directly to how people perceive me, or is it how I perceive myself, or both? I don't feel much difference on the inside. Granted, there's transient excitement about cute outfits and smaller sizes, however I am pretty much the exact same person I was at 299 pounds.
Anyway, just more for me to think about because I have so much time on my hands... I'm interested to hear what you think of my inability, unwillingness, indifference, I don't know what... to all of a sudden being so closed off about this subject? So strange...
Because I can eat so little during the day (usually only 100 calories at a time), I usually eat every 2-3 hours because I am genuinely hungry and need energy. I think my co-workers actually think I'm a pig because they've started teasing me about my first and second breakfast and my first and second lunch. No one even has a clue that I'm restricted surgically.
That leads me into honesty. In my recent past job, everyone watched my entire journey. I was open and honest about every aspect of it. I spoke freely about the entire process. Now, I don't even know how to bring it up if I wanted to. I didn't talk about it at our lunch, even though I fully particpated in all the other diet related discussion. But I did not open my mouth about surgical options. I don't know why.
It's fascinating for me to have people only know me as thin. It's indescribible the success I'm having meeting my professional goals. Actually, it's a bit intimidating. One of the main purposes for me getting my band was because I didn't believe I could advance being morbidly obese. Now that I've reached a "normal" weight (170, 5'7"- I'm still overweight, but size 12 is perfectly average)- I'm making fast ground professionally. Is it related directly to how people perceive me, or is it how I perceive myself, or both? I don't feel much difference on the inside. Granted, there's transient excitement about cute outfits and smaller sizes, however I am pretty much the exact same person I was at 299 pounds.
Anyway, just more for me to think about because I have so much time on my hands... I'm interested to hear what you think of my inability, unwillingness, indifference, I don't know what... to all of a sudden being so closed off about this subject? So strange...
Monday, September 6, 2010
It's back... and a fat fraud...
My restriction has returned. I don't have a complete lack of hunger, but I feel it when I'm full. That's good enough for me.
My scale is a brat. It let me see 169, but not claim it. That's also ok, because this is my fat time of the month, so usually the scale is heading up due to water gain. This is awesome that I'm still losing. It's slow loss, but I'm LOSING.
We're ending our long weekend with dinner at a friends house. We're bringing the wine (yes, we still have some left!)and a chocolate torte (that I made, it's sooooooooooo evil.....). I love that I can enjoy a dinner and dessert, and not worry that I'm going to blow it.
I went shopping at Nordstrom this weekend... when will I ever not feel like a fat fraud? I often feel like a spy for team F.A.T., and like the sales girls are eyeing me very suspiciously... I'm a crazy nut, I know that... but still...
This sounds more depressing than I feel, I promise. It's been a great weekend. Hope your's has been, too!
My scale is a brat. It let me see 169, but not claim it. That's also ok, because this is my fat time of the month, so usually the scale is heading up due to water gain. This is awesome that I'm still losing. It's slow loss, but I'm LOSING.
We're ending our long weekend with dinner at a friends house. We're bringing the wine (yes, we still have some left!)and a chocolate torte (that I made, it's sooooooooooo evil.....). I love that I can enjoy a dinner and dessert, and not worry that I'm going to blow it.
I went shopping at Nordstrom this weekend... when will I ever not feel like a fat fraud? I often feel like a spy for team F.A.T., and like the sales girls are eyeing me very suspiciously... I'm a crazy nut, I know that... but still...
This sounds more depressing than I feel, I promise. It's been a great weekend. Hope your's has been, too!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I've got a... Situation...
Yes, that is a reference to "Jersey Shore". I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who is fascinated by this show. Maybe it's the youthfullness and the freedom that are captivating. For me, I think it's really the nails and tans that get me. And the acronyms... TGL, DTF, etc... certainly enriching my vocabulary. It's my shameless guilty pleasure. Maybe it's my "sorry, but I'm not sorry"? Anyway, I really do have a... situation...
It's a restriction situation. WTF??? Last night, I was able to eat an entire plate of dinner. Perfectly reasonable portions, except way more than I'm usually able to comfortably eat at one time. And today? I ate an entire super nachos. It took me five hours, but I did it. It's all I've had today, and all I will have today... however the amount is shocking even if the calorie count for the day is totally fine. My band has been so tight, and I know that a fill is most likely not necessary, however this development has been a little shocking.
Oh, and I've been meaning to give a little tummy tuck update. No promises on pictures (or anything for that matter), but it's fabulous not having to dress around a deformity. I won't lie about that. I wore my size 13 junior pants to work this week. When I look at these pants... they look so little... I knew in my head that technically they should fit, but my brain just couldn't wrap itself around the reality. Also, my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) is requesting documentation of medical necessity for the surgery, and there are no legal restrictions for using an FSA for this repair post weight loss. If you'd like more information on how I did this, just leave me a comment.
I'm still waiting for 169. My big "plan" for weight loss was basically to not drink wine on the weekends, however this is a long holiday weekend, so I've decided to stop the following weekend. And of course in Chicago I'll have a glass or two. This weekend though...
I need to relax... take a break from work stress. I'm making good progress on my project. This whole thing is blowing my mind and I'm not sure why. I plan everything, and I almost always get what I've planned. This however was such a far out plan, it was basically an aspiration goal. And now that it's actually, really, truly happening... well, I can't really wrap my head around that either. Mr. W is very pleased to see me not 100% confident... not in a bad or unsupportive way... just in a "wow, you're really human" sort of way.
So there you have it. I have no restriction and I plan to drown my stress in booze. That pretty much sums up my situation. Actually, that almost sounds exactly like what happens in "Jersey Shore". Wow, I'm cooler than I thought...
It's a restriction situation. WTF??? Last night, I was able to eat an entire plate of dinner. Perfectly reasonable portions, except way more than I'm usually able to comfortably eat at one time. And today? I ate an entire super nachos. It took me five hours, but I did it. It's all I've had today, and all I will have today... however the amount is shocking even if the calorie count for the day is totally fine. My band has been so tight, and I know that a fill is most likely not necessary, however this development has been a little shocking.
Oh, and I've been meaning to give a little tummy tuck update. No promises on pictures (or anything for that matter), but it's fabulous not having to dress around a deformity. I won't lie about that. I wore my size 13 junior pants to work this week. When I look at these pants... they look so little... I knew in my head that technically they should fit, but my brain just couldn't wrap itself around the reality. Also, my FSA (Flexible Spending Account) is requesting documentation of medical necessity for the surgery, and there are no legal restrictions for using an FSA for this repair post weight loss. If you'd like more information on how I did this, just leave me a comment.
I'm still waiting for 169. My big "plan" for weight loss was basically to not drink wine on the weekends, however this is a long holiday weekend, so I've decided to stop the following weekend. And of course in Chicago I'll have a glass or two. This weekend though...
I need to relax... take a break from work stress. I'm making good progress on my project. This whole thing is blowing my mind and I'm not sure why. I plan everything, and I almost always get what I've planned. This however was such a far out plan, it was basically an aspiration goal. And now that it's actually, really, truly happening... well, I can't really wrap my head around that either. Mr. W is very pleased to see me not 100% confident... not in a bad or unsupportive way... just in a "wow, you're really human" sort of way.
So there you have it. I have no restriction and I plan to drown my stress in booze. That pretty much sums up my situation. Actually, that almost sounds exactly like what happens in "Jersey Shore". Wow, I'm cooler than I thought...
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