Friday, April 8, 2011
No Real Reason (attempt at paragraphs...WTF?)
There's no real reason I haven't been blogging. I haven't fallen off the wagon. I'm not depressed. Nothing bad. Just working hard and living life. All in all, things are good. When I first started blogging, I would see people shut down their blogs after they reached goal, or after awhile for whatever reason. I have not lost interest in my band or in blogging. I used to be worried about that. I am approaching my two year bandiversary. April 20th, 2009- I got my band. Remember dreaming about being on the other side? Thinking about the life you wanted? Thinking it would take forever to get there? Or worrying that it wouldn't at all? I AM SO HAPPY TO BE WHERE I'M AT. I am so happy that I made the effort to do this for myself. Where am I at two years later? Maintaining 130 lbs lost. That's about it. I pack my breakfast and lunch every work day and that's where I control my diet a bit. Other than that, I do rely on my band to put the brakes on for regular life and eating. My band is still working, still providing restriction. I was under the impression that at some point, it stops working. I have about 5 cc's in my 10 cc band. When I start getting hunger issues, I'll get another fill. My last one was in November (it was my 3rd fill), and it is definitely still working. I love that I don't really pay attention to food as much as I used to. I still have emotional triggers, but I can't physically do what I used to as far as over eating. On the flip side of that, there are days when I don't even think about food. AT ALL. There is at least one week every month where I have a difficult time getting in calories. I make sure I always eat at least 1200-1400 a day because I feel like crap if I eat less than that. Normally, I'd say I eat about 1800-2000 calories a day. There are a few (so few I can actually name them) days where I've eaten 2500-3000 calories. It's possible, but it's always a conscious decision. I've done it for social, fun to eat reasons, not for emotional reasons. I think that's reasonable. I love to move. I love to run. But at this point, I am still not using exercise to lose or keep weight off. My weight has been completely steady for a long time... probably longer than it ever has since before I had children. That's such a nice feeling. I think my body is at a true set point. My goal when I first got my band was to weight 159 lbs- which puts me at the highest end of normal. I'm about 10 lbs over that- but it's relatively effortless (but there is some effort, just not obsessive effort). I'm a size 12, and can enjoy shopping in normal stores and all the fun that goes with that. So, I am absolutely happy with my weight loss, even if I didn't reach my goal weight. I am happy and healthy- and a scale number isn't really what's important here. I do weigh myself every morning, and gage my eating for the day (or days) based on that. After a very long week, my husband and I skipped out of work this afternoon, and had a leisurely lunch at an Italian restaurant. I could enjoy it without fear. I had a fondue appetizer, salad, chicken alfredo, wine, and cheese cake for dessert. Nothing diet. But only a few bites of some of it and reasonable portions of the rest of it. That was all I ate for the day and it's late in the evening, and I'm still not hungry after our indulgence. This is a good life. Lastly, I wanted to share that for me, my band has improved my relationship with my husband. For some, losing weight has meant relationship changes- and I honestly think the band helps women to accurately self evaluate themselves and their relationships- and in my opinion that is a VERY good thing. Sometimes, it is time to move on. Other times, feeling better about yourself helps to strengthen relationships. I think I'm also a better mom- I'm definitely a better example for my children. I'm much happier post band- that's better for everyone. Ok, this is really lastly. I also wanted my band to help me professionally. And it has. Losing weight has given me confidence to learn and progress and grow and take chances. I do feel a sense of accomplishment with my weight loss. I had a tool to help me, but that was a smart decision. It's given me the confidence to continue making informed decisions, and that has proven profitable. I'm excited for two years out. It is everything I dreamed it would be. I've been lucky to not have any complications. The worries I did have, prooved to be false. It has not been an "easy" journey, just a possible one. Possible. That's all I needed.