Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I can not even BELIEVE I forgot THIS!

I know everyone is sick of me talking about my new job, but I promise this is directly band related. I've been so busy WORKING, that I forgot to even bring up how my new co-workers are reacting to a banded eater. My very first day at work, we went out to lunch. Honestly, no one noticed my teeny tiny portions. In fact, every.single.person. at the table was on one diet or another... and I think I ordered the least "diet" restricted food of anyone. Plus, I had leftovers that lasted me for the rest of the week.

Because I can eat so little during the day (usually only 100 calories at a time), I usually eat every 2-3 hours because I am genuinely hungry and need energy. I think my co-workers actually think I'm a pig because they've started teasing me about my first and second breakfast and my first and second lunch. No one even has a clue that I'm restricted surgically.

That leads me into honesty. In my recent past job, everyone watched my entire journey. I was open and honest about every aspect of it. I spoke freely about the entire process. Now, I don't even know how to bring it up if I wanted to. I didn't talk about it at our lunch, even though I fully particpated in all the other diet related discussion. But I did not open my mouth about surgical options. I don't know why.

It's fascinating for me to have people only know me as thin. It's indescribible the success I'm having meeting my professional goals. Actually, it's a bit intimidating. One of the main purposes for me getting my band was because I didn't believe I could advance being morbidly obese. Now that I've reached a "normal" weight (170, 5'7"- I'm still overweight, but size 12 is perfectly average)- I'm making fast ground professionally. Is it related directly to how people perceive me, or is it how I perceive myself, or both? I don't feel much difference on the inside. Granted, there's transient excitement about cute outfits and smaller sizes, however I am pretty much the exact same person I was at 299 pounds.

Anyway, just more for me to think about because I have so much time on my hands... I'm interested to hear what you think of my inability, unwillingness, indifference, I don't know what... to all of a sudden being so closed off about this subject? So strange...

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