Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Hootenanny Smooth...

I just emailed Mr. W and asked him how his new car was driving in the snow this morning. His response? Nope, I'm not kidding... hootenanny smooth...

And, he's on was way over for lunch. Not a nooner, just lunch. I'm going to just stick with my Thai chicken. Last night, for dinner... I had six homemade oatmeal butterscotch cookies. Six. I made hubby take the rest into work this morning. Good bye sweet temptation.

I'm not being. At all.

The usual... greek yogurt & honey, Zone bar, Thai chicken & noodles. 700 calories, 40 grams protein. NO COOKIES.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Red High Heels

First, thanks to Jen (Jen's Lap Band Journal) for the Stilletto Award nomination. I will abide by the rules sometime this week. I want to have time to gush over a few bloggers... bandsters whose posts I can't wait to read every single day... so please be patient with me!

Secondly, this award reminded me of when I was little. My Grandmother had a pair of red high heel pumps she would always let me wear. I fully planned on wearing them every single day of my life when I was a grown woman. Unfortunately, I outgrew them by the time I was about nine years old. But ONE day, I will wear red high heels every single day! And, bright red lipstick! And a navy dress with white polka dots! And red lipstick on the apples of my cheeks for blush! Yes, one day...

Thirdly, I've been procrastinating a post because I've wanted to report that I was 183. Well, I'm not. But maybe tomorrow. I did make my fill/surgical consult appointment for next Wednesday, April 7th. OH! And I'm going to a real black tie charity gala event on April 17th. This will be my very first one. One year ago, I would not have agreed to go... but THIS year... I'm excited. I'm excited to shop, to look good, and to meet people!

I'm sure there's something, but I can't think of it.

Greek yogurt & honey, mint chocolate Zone bar, lasagna. 700 calories, 35? grams protein. I do not know what's for dinner. Busy night. Therapy! More tomorrow...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Flip Flops to the Met

Did you know that the Metropolitan Opera broadcasts live to movie theatres around the world? Mr. W and I got to wear t-shirts and flip flops to see HAMLET on Saturday. Very fun, couldn't have afforded a better view if we were actually there, and for $22... super cheap chic. And, it was en francais, so hubby was doubly happy. I had a couple of NSV's while there... first, I ran up (I said RAN UP) all the stairs in the theatre... secondly, I wasn't interested in the popcorn and candy. It's a good time of the month for me, and everyone knows if I want something, I'll eat it. I honestly wasn't interested. This natural non-snacky phenomenon will be nice for the next couple of weeks.

Scale is the same. 184. However, my jeans and work pants are falling off my skinny ass. I can wear my size 12 jeans, but I'm not comfortable in them. My 14's are embarrassingly baggy. I don't know why I haven't bought new work pants, but I did buy some cute tops over the weekend. I'm so used to switching things up with tops, jewelry and shoes... because pants have always been a trickier fit for me. I can never buy pants cheap because fit is more critical than price. Sigh. This brings me to my need for surgery... I will be making my appointment this week.

I chose to take off on Friday, and am choosing to just do what I can this week to catch up at work. No worry, no stress.

Lots of nibbles. Not too many calories. The next two weeks or so give me a little hormonal (non-pms) break from obsessing about food.

I've caught up on lots of blogs today. I'm a bad commenter, but an avid reader... love you all, and love all your blogs!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Damn It

I forgot to weigh myself this morning. I haven't eaten in a couple of days... surely a loss would ensue? Probably not. And, we've decided to make it a long weekend which means... food. I'm realizing what an intrical part of my life food really is. Whoever says it's just about fuel for the body... is kidding themselves. Eating is equally as social and emotional as anything else. It is a complex human need. All the more reason to figure out how to enjoy it appropriately. Since I need it to live... I really have no other choice but to figure this out... and I'm getting there...

The past couple of days went well. I'm actually more exhausted today. It's difficult for me to talk about some things. I wasn't kidding when I mentioned that I've never talked about my weight loss to anyone, and how blogging about it is such a huge step for me. So, if I seem vague about being sick... it's because I'm deeply introverted about some things... especially things that make me vulnerable. Being sick would be at the top of that list. The only person I've talked with about this is my husband. Not even my family or friends. My sister knows now (a little bit) because we needed help picking up my son yesterday, so I had to tell her why. Everything looks really good, and I think just one more test.

I have a confession. I have a huge crush on Anthony Bourdain. Just watched him in Tuscany... food was amazing, and I do love a bad boy.

Mr. Wonderful started shopping at 6am today for food for our long weekend. I don't know what we DON'T have in the house. So far, I've just had nibbles... and it's all been good. I think tasting is the way for me to go. Who said "taste everything, eat nothing"? Can't remember... but I like that philosophy. Have a delicious weekend everyone!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I am very confident in the AWAKE knowledge that I do NOT actually want to bang my doctor. The best interpretation I could find (thank you google gods) was that sex in a dream can mean "fulfillment". Once I get this surgery... I will be completely fulfilled... I will be completely at my goals from a physical stand point. And, I can get very... aggressive... when trying to reach my goals. So, now I can (hopefully) look him in the eye when I get my next... ummmm... "fill". :)

Restriction is still decent, but it will definitely be time for a tiny tweak in a couple of weeks. I'm a little bit sick right now and I need to work on my current medical concerns before I follow up on weight stuff. I may not be blogging for a couple of days because I have to go get some tests. Either that, or I'll be blogging non-stop... depending on my computer access and/or how bad I feel. I'll keep you posted by the weekend for sure.

Je ne sais pas.

Usual, not much variety this week, trying to keep it simple.

Every so often, I have a difficult time leaving comments... I've tried several times today, and no luck... I'll try again...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Marco Polo, Veggies, and Weird Dream

Heart attack hubbie has had a renewed interest in Mediterranean food since his "incident". I am now living my dream life... he is officially the perfect man. However, we spent the weekend eating ourselves around the world, figuratively. From Asian to Greek to Turkish to Italian and back. One theme throughout for me? Vegetables. I know from my blog, it sounds like I don't eat them, but just fyi I don't count them in my daily food list mostly because I don't count them as calories. BUT, the vegetables I ate this weekend, were definitely worth mentioning because they were so amazing and delicious. Grilled green beans w/ julienned carrots in szechuan sauce. Marinated artichoke hearts. Roasted garlic. Stuffed olive leaves. All to excess. I didn't even think twice about what I was eating. Probably should have because these veggies were not calorie free, but it was the weekend, and the food was divine.

Weird dream. I hope my family doesn't read this blog... because I'm about to share something very... embarrassing. The reason I'm sharing is because I'd like help interpreting this. My sisters and I love interpreting dreams... but, I'm having a difficult time with this one, and don't want to talk about this with anyone I have to see face to face. So, if you reply to this, do so delicately...

As I have mentioned two hundred and fifty two times, I'm planning on getting a panniculectomy. Last Friday, I talked with the bariatric nurse here at my company who approved my LapBand surgery, and it is clear that any kind of excess skin removal will not be covered by my insurance. I know that they have made exceptions (like for people who lost the weight without surgery... but that's another bitch session). Anyway, so Saturday night... I had this dream. I was in an exam room with my surgeon... and we... were having... "liasons". I don't think of him THAT way, at all. He's decent looking, dresses well, but that's not what "it" is about for me. Anyway, the "liasons" were mutually initiated, but at the end of my dream, I was very... aggressive. I know sex dreams aren't always about sex, but I don't know what this means. I'm pretty certain it has something to do with me wanting additional surgery. Beyond that, I don't know what it could mean. And, I need to figure it out, so I can look him in the eye again. Dear god in heaven.

After my Saturday night dream? I've got nothing.

Greek yogurt & honey, mint chocolate Zone bar, fish & rice, eating out downtown for dinner tonight. Happy Monday. Not. :)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

If the sidebar doesn't work...

...and you REALLY want to see this VLOG... go to YouTube, type in "Band Babe", and I'm the 6:14 one, that says barkinarkin (don't ask) next to it.

!!! VLOG !!!

<------ To the left...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Moist, dense, spicy carrot cake ...

... with buttery, sugary, vanilla-y cream cheese frosting. That's the PMS craving I woke up to this morning. Luckily, I want it from ONE particular bakery, and nothing else will do. So, if I just don't go to THAT bakery, I should be fine. I'm also trying to come up with diversion thoughts. Things like size 12 jeans, FUN clothes shopping, being able to walk faster than everyone else to get into work quickly in bad weather (don't you hate people like that?), bending over (no side tying of shoelaces), getting the "look" from decent looking men (not the "creepy" look, but the "you're hot" look), being able to share clothes with your teenage daughter (I'm not actually there yet, but she's getting nervous!). I could go on, but you get the picture. The rewards of being thin are better than the risk of an entire carrot cake. But, if I should happen to miraculously come across a single piece... I may have a bite or two...

I may work on a VLOG this weekend. A couple of them have been recorded, but are too outdated at this point. I'm not sure my blog layout choice can support streaming video. We couldn't get anything to upload last weekend. I might try a you-tube link this weekend. I am so completely, and hopelessly un-techy. And, I don't like asking for help, but don't want to spend too much time figuring it out for myself. But, I really want to be able to do them because I enjoy everyone elses so much. Anyway, just so you know, I haven't forgotten about it.

Flip flops in a snowstorm. AGAIN.

Bagel and cream cheese, mint chocolate Zone bar, chicken alfredo. Yada yada... 700 calories, don't know the protein. Movie tonight... so for all those who think my diet is horrendous.. you might want to skip my next blog. Tonight's menu will be like watching a train wreck in slow mo... but with no carrot cake.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Stress Fest

I'm starting the downward spiral into PMS craving/ eating. Anyone else familiar with that? Add to that any amount of stress? And I'm standing at the pantry door looking for relief, food relief. That's my woefully inadequate method of coping. Last night, I had a stress fest. This was THE BEST STRESS FEST I've ever had... for several reasons. One, my band simply would not allow it. I topped out at about 1800calories for the entire day. There was a time, not so long ago, that a stress fest would have been 1000+ calories just by itself. Secondly, even though I wasn't able to recognize it (I honestly still don't catch myself), my husband WAS able to recognize it, simply because I next to never do that anymore. He asked me what I was stressed about, and poof just like that... I was sucked back into reality. That helped more than I can say. Thirdly, I'm not beating myself up over the situation. That is so relieving! I'm thinking it was no big deal, it happens even to thin people, I physically wasn't able to do much damage, and my family is able to recognize where I'm at. I feel so liberated this morning. It's a huge relief to not have guilt over this, but control and understanding. I've come a long way, baby.

The scale is holding steady at 184. My work slacks are falling off. Time to move down to the 12's. It's also time for me to set up my appointment with my surgeon for the beginning of April. I'm planning on a teeny tiny fill, maybe .25, to bring me up to 4cc's in my band. I'm also going to start panniculectomy proceedings. Fingers crossed. The more weight I lose, the worse it gets. I'm not going to belabor the "medical necessity" at this point in time, but I will keep everyone updated.

Zero stress over food.

Last night my daughter made a fabulous homemade mac n' cheese with radiatore pasta... delicious. My stress fest foods included two girl scout cookies, one oreo cookie, and some sugary cereal. I didn't even leave the pantry, just stood there searching for something. In retrospect, it's obvious it's NOT food I was really looking for. Today at work I have a Zone bar, ACTIVIA w/ cottage cheese, meatloaf & mashed potatoes, and POPCORN. 700 calories, over 40 grams of protein. Tomorrow, I am planning on movie theatre popcorn... and I have been 100% in planning wiggle room for that kind of splurge. The RUNAWAYS comes out tomorrow... and we are huge Joan Jett fans and wouldn't miss this movie for anything. We went to see her in concert in October. She kicks ass. And she's in amazing shape for 50+. My hero!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Popcorn & Poo

You've probably noticed, but I eat a lot of popcorn. A lot. You've also probably guessed why. Bulk. It's been mentioned on many blogs the problem that happens when we are eating significantly less food... well, you end up with chicken nuggets poo. Isn't that how it was phrased? So I eat popcorn to increase bulk, and voila- no more nugget poo. I feel really healthy when my system is regular. When my system is sluggish, I feel gross at best, and toxic at worst. There are lots of other reasons colon health is super important, but for me, it's all about how I feel.

I've come up with a list of the various things I do (or have done or have seriously considered doing) to maintain a healthy bathroom life:

*Popcorn, fruits & juice, veggies, bran
*Activia! (you have to sing it, not say it)
*130+ ounces of water everyday. I honestly drink at least that much.
*Exercise. Gets the whole system moving.
*Caffeine. Wow.
*OTC probiotics. The whole Phillips "colon health" principle.
*Sugar Free Halls Vitamin C drops. Does not require excessive consumption.
*OTC chemical laxatives. Not the best choice, but when all else fails...

I'd be interested to learn of any others, as this is an important subject to me.

Openly discussing poop.

Zone bar, Activia & cottage cheese, chicken enchiladas, popcorn. Notice anything in this list? ;)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Grab your swimsuits girls...

... I'm about to beach and moon (translation- bitch and moan). I don't like spring. It's manic-depressive. Warm one second, snowing the next. I ended up wearing flip flops in a snowstorm on Saturday. I also don't like this stupid time change. It's making me o.h.s.o.v.e.r.y tired. Spring doesn't make me happy. Give me autumn and I'm a happy girl. Even winter beats spring because at least you know what you're going to get. And during the summer? I can be tan and my appetite is always less when it's hot out.

I've always lost weight during summer. Back when I was naturally thin, I usually gained twenty pounds during the winter (all the way up to 135lbs) and lost back down to 115lbs during the summer. I've been giving a little thought to what it means to be "naturally thin". Do these lucky bitches eat all they want? Or is "all they want" actually alot less than what someone overweight wants? I remember when food wasn't all consuming. My sisters are all thin, and eat "whatever they want". Now with my band, I can basically eat "all I want" or "whatever I want". Well, I don't know about that. But, my band is helping me redefine my relationship with food. It's still far from "normal" or "natural", but that's something I'd like to achieve.

Cancelled my appointments for today. I'm going to go home, and go to bed early tonight. (Did I mention I hate this stupid time change?)

Yummy vanilla yogurt mixed w/ cottage cheese, zone bar, chicken carbonara, popcorn. Last night for dinner I had 1-2 ounces of pot roast and some carrots. I skipped the potatoes as unnecessary carbs, and didn't even miss them. The broth turned into a heavenly french onion soup. Calories yesterday were around 1400. That's good enough. And, I'm at a point right now where I don't even want crazy calorie restriction. I can only do that for so long before my body revolts. I'm liking eating more calories and I feel so healthy.

Monday, March 15, 2010

My weekend with Babette

This weekend I decided to just wing it food wise, and see what happened. My oldest son came to visit, so there was lots of eating out and all of the usual social eating that goes along with vacations, holidays, etc. I chose to just eat what I could, and see how Babette did at helping me out. How did she do? Well, on Friday night we went to a movie, and I was able to eat two or three handfuls of popcorn. The day ended at about 1500 calories. Saturday included girl scout cookies (only two, unbelievable) and the day ended at about 1600 calories. Sunday, we went out to lunch and I could only pick at my food. We also watched more movies- candy, popcorn, etc... and I added up my calories to around 1600. All of this adding was after the fact... so it's obvious to me that Babette can do a decent job. I won't eat this way all the time, but it's nice to know that if I'm not perfect in doing my part of the job, she's very adept at doing her part towards my weight loss efforts. I'll give her an "high met" on her evaluation. She deserves a raise.

Not counting calories. WOOOO HOOOO.

Someone suggested to me mixing vanilla greek yogurt with cottage cheese- and it is YUMMY. Seriously reminds of cheesecake. The flavor is right, and the cottage cheese gives the correct consistency in my mouth. This will be a staple for a long time, soooooo good. Also ate a zone bar and popcorn so far today. My tummy is growling, so it's time for my cheese raviolies. I like a late lunch, so I'm not starving by dinner time. I'm betting we'll be eating out one last time tonight, before my son heads back home... he's enjoying all his old favorites. I've been surrounded by all the people I love most in the world this weekend. Oh, and Babette, too!

Friday, March 12, 2010

I did NOT get my band to LOSE weight

I got my band to KEEP weight OFF. I've been thinking lots about re-gain after losing with my band. Then I remembered something... I am a professional dieter. This is my third major weight loss. In 1995 I started on a 160lb weight loss. In 2003, an 80lb weight loss. Of all my weight loss attempts, I've added up over 400lbs in weight LOST. I'm really very good on diets. It's the keeping the weight part OFF I'm obviously not so hot at. This time around, I KNEW I could lose the weight... my main concern was KEEPING it OFF. That's where my band came into the picture. I decided on my band as a performance enhancing tool. I've been stingy with fills because I want the restriction NOW that I've lost quite a bit of weight. In January, I had my largest fill to date, and have a grand total of 3.75cc's in my 10cc band. So, the band is only ONE tool for KEEPING the weight OFF. There are two other things I've done differently this time around as additional tools to keeping my weight in a more normal range. Here they are for your consideration. Everyone needs to find their own personal strategy to keep weight off, I am merely sharing my thoughts as someone who has lost a ton (well, almost half a ton) of weight.

I have never, in all my weight loss, discussed one ounce of it. Now it's different. I am blogging which is a fabulous way to get all of the stuff going around in my head into a form that I can analyze and make sense of. It's been very enlightening for me. I would blog if not a soul were reading, because it's so fantastically therapeutic. And for the first time, I am getting therapy. While I'm not talking about weight in my sessions, I am getting to know myself better. When I understand where I'm coming from (and surprisingly, I really didn't), I know where I am and why. This helps with everything in life, including my food intake and weight control. I'm still very far from where I need to be in this talking process, but it's a dramatically different approach from all the other times I've lost weight.

This is not a diet. I repeat: this is NOT a diet. We all know that about our bands. However, we need to make lifestyle changes in order to lose weight, and also to keep it off. So, the first sustainable change I've made is to NOT diet with my band. I have decided to lose weight on foods that I will be willing to eat for the rest of my life. I've previously lost weight on diet foods, and then, when the diet is over, I have no idea how to keep it off, so... weight gain! I'm losing weight on burgers, pizza, candy, ice cream, organic food, crappy food, gourmet food, homestyle food, REAL FOOD. That way, when I'm to the maintenance phase, my only change will be eating slightly MORE FOOD. I can do THAT for the rest of my life for certain, and hence maintain my weight? That's the idea anyway.

The second sustainable lifestyle change I've made is to NOT lose weight through exercise. Yes, I know there are many health benefits from exercise. And during periods of my life, I've been a very avid long distance runner. For me, it's an addicting activity. However, there are many other periods in my life where I simply don't have time for it. It's not an excuse, or that I'm putting myself second, it just is a fact. So, it is obvious that I can live my life WITHOUT EXERCISE... however, I can not live my life WITHOUT FOOD. Not a day goes by for me without eating food. Keeping that in mind, it makes sense then for me to control my weight through what impacts me daily, which is food. Portion control. Calorie control. My first weight loss of 160lbs I got down from 280lbs to 120lbs. How? Running my ass off, literally. But when I stopped running and burning all those calories... I gained weight. I will exercise for the HEALTH benefits, but for me, it's not so smart to exercise for the WEIGHT LOSS benefits. Additionally, running makes me drop weight very FAST, and I want SLOW weight loss, because I'm under the impression that the more slowly you lose weight, the more likely you will be to KEEP if OFF. And, that is my goal.

I love my band. It's helping me to feel much more confident about my goal of keeping weight off for good. I have no desire to be ultra skinny or to do the crazy, unstainable things that are necessary to get there. I want to get to the upper end of normal weight for my height. And, I want a tummy tuck for sure. I also want to have a happy and full life full of the things I love, including food. This time around, losing weight is different. And, hopefully with some effort, this weight loss will be for good.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Weekday Dish

Hi Jen From Oregon! On Thursdays I've decided to post my blog in opposite order so I can participate in the "Weekday Dish". I for one, am very interested to see what bandsters are actually eating on a daily basis.

I don't know what I'll be eating tonight for dinner, but here's what I had last night-

*bacon cheeseburger
*french fries
*Drumstick ice cream cone

I was able to get down the two big fat juicy pieces of bacon first. Yummy. I flashed my husband "the look"- that means "can you believe I'm already full"? But, I was determined to get some of the yummy cheeseburger down, and very s-l-o-w-l-y I managed 2/3'rds of it. I basically sucked on about six french fries, because that was the only way they were going to make it down. The bun wasn't even an option. You know what? I enjoyed my meal! In a weird way, I feel even more satisfied post-band with that particular meal than I ever would have pre-band. How often do I eat cheeseburgers now? Not often at all. But, when I want it, I do it, and my portions are so reasonable it's absolutey guilt free. No dieters remorse! Later in the evening I had a mini-drumstick cone- vanilla with the chocolate all through out and peanuts on top, all for 130 calories. After all that, I finished yesterday with under 1300 calories.

Today I'm eating-

*a Kashi chocolate caramel protein and fiber bar
*oatmeal w/ nuts and fruit
*chicken parmesan

And, as previously mentioned, I have no idea what's on the menu for dinner.

I'm actually back to my old ways a little bit. I've been sick this week, but have done very little to slow down. I'm aware that the world won't stop without me, but I've been pushing myself to keep up with everything. That doesn't usually end well for me. This weekend, I must relax and get more rest.

My appointment yesterday with my endocrinologist was wonderful. All my labs are perfect. BP was 106/66. So, this particular doctor and I actually know each other in three different circles of people. One is personal. In fact, she's good friends with my hairstylist. And while I know my doctor has kept the bounds of patient confidentiality, my hairstylist has obviously not done the same thing. My doctor walks into the room and first thing she says is "Wow, your hair really IS growing back". Important things first, right??? It was funny. We also discussed my TT, and she's writing some good notes for me for when I make my insurance request. So, between help from the two of them- I should be gorgeous- just like they are. It's not how you feel, but how you look!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

So much to talk about...

I have tons of thoughts about permanent weight loss going through my head the past few days. Thoughts about what makes this time different for me. What am I doing to not regain weight after I reach goal? It's so much to talk about, and I want to wait until I have the time it deserves. What are you doing differently with your weight loss this time? How do you plan to prevent gaining back weight post band?

This morning I have an appointment with my endocrinologist. Blood work! I remembered to fast this time. Yay? My BP on Monday was 109/75. I've never been hypertensive, but it had definitely climbed higher than my normal baseline. Can't wait to see how my lipids are, because I haven't had them checked in a while because I always forget to fast. Patients can check their labs online, so I'll have my results this afternoon. Weight 184 lbs. This doctor has been my biggest weight loss supporter, and helped me get all of my clinical together for insurance approval. She is going to make a huge deal about my loss today, and I'm really excited for her to be able to see the results of her (our)efforts. It's so rewarding for clinicians to see really good outcomes. Happy day.

I've worn high heels to work for the past three days. I'm one of the click clack walkers in the building! I make "the" sound of a woman walking in high heels. And, I feel a little sexy. And, it's super important to feel sexy at work. Kidding. But, I honestly think I perform better when I feel better about myself.

Zone bar, greek yogurt, lasagna. But nothing for another few hours. I've got my protein bar in my purse so I can start on it as I'm walking out the door from my blood draw. I will be starving by then.

No etd on the VLOG. Probably not until the weekend.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Do you mind if I tell you that you look skinny?

Well, actually I don't mind AT ALL!

Not much to say after THAT.

I'm having a difficult time letting go of my perfectionism when it comes to my VLOG. I did one over the weekend, and for whatever reason, I have zero problem with my blog being all sorts of un-edited, but my VLOG... ummm. Is it too much to want to be like Guiliana Rancic? Sarah did a great first VLOG. I had a little too much "help" with mine, and think I'll be more relaxed if I just do one alone. I'll get it accomplished. Sometime before I die. Unless IT kills me first.

Zone bar, yogurt & honey, popcorn, pot roast. Yesterday, I had a sore throat and ate my weight in otter pops. Way to justify liquid calories! Tonight we're ordering pizza from my favorite restaurant. We get one jalapeno and one mushroom. Veggie pizzas...almost healthy quite by chance. One slice will do me... physically and emotionally! Yum.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Spread the SUNSHINE AWARD...

Spread the SUNSHINE AWARD...

TA-DA! It's so fun to see your blog posted on someone elses as something they actually enjoy reading! It's a terrific feeling. I am especially honored because mine came from one of my all time favorite bloggers- something something something fat chick. Also known as Gilly. Or WONDER WOMAN! Gilly, if you're reading this- I've been meaning to tell you that as much as I love the graphics you post (you already know I think they are fabulous)- you are may need to start thinking about finding thinner women graphics to represent you! Just a thought. If you aren't already following gorgeous Gilly, you'll find here here:


The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.

Once you receive one, then you:
1. Post the logo on your blog.
2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
3. Link the nominees
4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.

In the spirit of actually spreading sunshine, I've taken the majority of my nominations directly from my friends list (I don't like to call anyone a follower, it just bugs me). If you are "following" me, and I'm not "following" you, it's because I haven't been able to find the link to your blog. Please leave it in a comment sometime, and I will follow you. I read all of my friends blogs. So worth my time. So, if you aren't listed below, it does not mean I do not LOVE your blog... it's just that there are only twelve spots. And if you weren't nominated, seriously do this anyway. I'll read it, and follow up on your recommendations. It's all about the sunshine, right?

1) Sherry

2) Miss Vickie

3) Robin

4) Heidi

5) Camille

6) Jen

7) Dawn

8) Athena

9) Lap Band Gal

10) Jen

11) Jen from Oregon

Unfortunately, I still suck at making this links "clickable", so it may actually take a cut and paste. Old school, but still works. Check the above babes out...

Love you ALL, and appreciate everything you share!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

1st, 2nd, and 3rd Pictures

I have no idea why I'm doing this RIGHT now. But, I've posted some new pictures. The first picture is of the first Halloween Mr. Wonderful and I had together as newlyweds. I looked pretty good. That's my goal picture.

The second picture I took tonight, as a comparison to picture number three which was taken two months ago. I think I look a little thinner. So does my hair. And, I'm getting a chicken neck!

I LOST !!!

Isn't it interesting how when I am losing weight quickly, I have NO problem updating my numbers daily? 184.2 lbs this morning. I am losing about half a pound A DAY right now. Sooooo, while this is going well, I will keep flaunting it, because sadly I know this whoosh of weight loss won't last forever. I am aware that I'm a nut, but I am honestly convinced this is happening because I've stopped drinking so much EVIL diet soda(but, I still secretly love it... I do take sips every now and then...).

The real reason for my post title wasn't about lost weight... but I lost at BONCO, BUNKO, whatever. I at least got my money back! This is the second time in a row I've had the lowest score. It's because I'm LUCKY AT LOOOOVE, so I can't be lucky with cards... or dice... or anything to do with gambling. I was warned that the group would pretty much give up the dice part, and just do the boozing part... and that is QUICKLY becoming evident that this is where it's all leading! Way fun. Everyone was talking about their plastic surgery plans... our one friend is getting her new boobs next week. My tummy tuck is first. Boobs are later, I can wear good push up bras for a year or so until I can afford my own new boobs. Oh, and my friend anounced our co-grandmacy last night. I have no problem talking about it (at all), but I'm not the "big announcement" type. I didn't know she was going to do that, but it went well. And late... I'm not good at late anymore. :)

Well, Mr. W is out in the yard as I update this. I was hoping he'd wait until later in the morning... it's only 8:30 am. It's supposed to be in the 50's today, and that is nice yard work weather. Our heat keeps going on, so it's still cold outside right now. We're planning to go out tonight... oh yeah... I forgot to mention that he's got our camcorder set up with the computer for VLOGing... so I'm going to try and do one this weekend, if I take a shower. So, if we go out... I will take a shower, and will attempt my first VLOG. That's exciting for me... I'm nervous! Everyone looks so good in theirs... I'm going to look like an idiot. A fat idiot... I still think I should look thinner in pictures and stuff because I've lost a billionty pounds.

I'm rambling now, so time to sign off. It's the weekend, so I have no food "plans". Restriction is still wonderful, so I also have no "worries" about food. I love Babette, and YOU my blog friends!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Good Advice From My Mother

1) Always take gum that is offered to you because they might be trying to tell you something.

2) Never pass up a potty opportunity.

3) Happiness is the best revenge.

4) Always use a bright umbrella because rainy days are too dreary anyway.

That last one came in handy today. I have a great orange umbrella right now... and I felt like a sore thumb walking from the parking lot into my office building this morning. My umbrella was the only bright one... all the rest were shades of black. Boring and depressing. Everyone do some good in the world and go buy a bright umbrella! So I'm not the only one!

Moving on to a weight related issue... my new BFF today is 184.8! We're BFF's in a middle school sort of way, because I'm still best friends with my BFF from high school. And, right now I'm eyeing 183, and will totally break up with 184 the second 183 is interested in me. I won't even think twice.

I'm leaving work at 2pm today- and am very excited to get some more balance in my week, starting a little early. Tonight is BONCO. I hope I win the jackpot. I won for the worst player last time and I at least got my money back. Hope I'm luckier tonight!

Why didn't someone tell me about Fage greek yogurt with honey??? Simply HEAVEN in a cheap plastic container with a sealed foil lid. I'm eating that for breakfast today, and the rest of my food for the day is meaningless in comparison. I think I actually made a scene at work the first time I ate it. I am completely and madly in love. With yogurt. I am.

Happy (early for me!) Friday...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A new Mii

Last night after dinner, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my five year old updating my Mii... making her THINNER! For those of you with Wii's, I was already in the middle of the fat slider (and just past the middle on the tall slider). We have not discussed my weight, much less my Mii. He did this on his own... even my five year old notices a difference in my appearence. That speaks volumes given his age and gender. So, I made the huge mistake of saying, "Wow Kris, thanks for making my Mii skinnier"... because he then promptly went back and made me the shortest and fattest he could!!! Arg!!! I love little boys, and he is truly the joy of my life.

This week has been weighing heavily on me at work. But, I have to say that despite all of the big, oh so important things I've accomplished... I'm fairly certain that by Monday morning, this will all be basically forgotten. Yes, the powers that be will have a vague memory that I kick ass at my job, but it will quickly become a distant memory to pretty much everyone involved. I've seen people literally kill themselves for their jobs, only to find out that when they quit from being too burned out, or retire, or for whatever reason are no longer doing the extremely important things they did... business resumes as normal on the next Monday morning. Unless it's a secretary- the place falls apart without someone keeping everything organized and all the details straight. Anyway, I've decided that by far, the most meaningful thing I've accomplished this week, was the lunch I had with my husband and his colleagues. My relationship with this fabulous group of people, especially Mr. Wonderful, will profoundly affect me on a daily basis, and for the rest of my life. I am so happy I made the decision to be spontaneous and take a couple of hours away from my "very important project" that in the scheme of life, was of no real consequence. The FUN is way more IMPORTANT.

Oatmeal, yogurt, Kashi caramel chocolate CRUNCH! bar, turkey/mashed potatoes/gravy, and popcorn. Seven hundred calories, if I can get to it all... I didn't get to the popcorn yesterday because my restriction is top notch, and I'm just not hungry. For that reason, I'm also not putting too much of an effort into counting my protein grams. I remain off the hootch, and am feeling terrific. "Have a day"... as my five year old used to say. Even I can accomplish just having a day...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Diet Pepsi makes me fat

First, I'd like to give a big hello to my new friend- 185.4! I'm back to losing! And, I can't help but to notice that when I'm drinking lots of diet soda, my weight loss s.l.o.w.s noticibly. I'd think it coincidental, but it's happened several times, and at this point I would consider it predictable. It's not artifical sweetener, because I'm still drinking lots of that... so maybe it's the increased water? Maybe diet soda does make me want real sweets, but I always thought that was because of the artifical sweetener. I don't know. I don't care as long as I'm losing. Eight more pounds until I make an appointment with my surgeon...

I actually took a lunch yesterday... went out with my husband AND his boss AND a colleague of his. It was my first time spending time with them, so I had to be extremely sociable. I can do it, and sometimes I can do it well, but I don't always enjoy it. And with the huge things I'm doing at my own work, it was difficult to switch gears, but probably really good for me to do it. Oh, and I ordered mint chocolate chip ice cream pie for lunch. Yup. I did. I only ate about 1/3 of it... but it was my big chance since there were no kids around. FUN. The whole thing was fun, I really like my husband's new boss, and the group he works with is fantabulous.

Oatmeal (again with fruit and nuts), Fage greek yogurt w/ honey, the Thai chicken and noodles (that I didn't get to yesterday), and some popcorn. Seven hundred calories planned during the day today. Yesterday, I think my calorie total didn't even get to 1200. I over estimated the pie just to be safe. I'm not hungry for breakfast yet, and it's after 9 am. Not sure what's going on... but I like it.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Jen Convention

I'm still thinking about a Vegas bandster weekend. I got the thumbs up from several Jen's and one Gen. I've thought of a few names for our group, but I haven't found "the one" yet. Besides the "Jen Convention", I've thought of... the "QOFE Convention", the "band-babe group", the "band reunion"... I obviously need some creative help here. This weekend, I'll see if I can find any good deals. Debi (Hawaii Bound) gave me some good info that I'll follow up on. I'll throw it out there and see what sticks. I'm always up for a little trip away.

Ugh. I'm sliming as I type this on a fricken zone bar. Since my fill in January, if I'm not super careful, IT happens. That's what I get for not mindfully eating. I'm trying to stop double tasking while I eat, but I haven't quite broken the habit yet. Once again, Babette is fabulous at her job.


Zone bar, yogurt, oatmeal (w/ fruit and nuts), Thai chicken and noodles. Seven hundred calories, thirty-five grams of protein for my work day. I went for a little handful of candy last night, and DECIDED not to. Wow. I don't think a few Swedish fish will do any harm at all, but it was cool to just not want it. I bought some more of the little drumstick cones, and for 130 calories... I was completely satisfied for the rest of the evening. I ended up with a little over 1300 calories for the day yesterday. I'm hoping to see 185 tomorrow, which means I won't see it for a month now that I've posted my wish here on my blog. (This is my feable attempt at cosmic reverse psychology...). Ok, I'm done.

Monday, March 1, 2010

100 McNuggets

I guess I wasn't clear... they weren't all for me. We had a small crowd at our house watching the Olympic hockey game. Mr. W decided that he wanted gobs of McNuggets to nosh on during the hockey game and all the kids concurred. I actually thought the amount was grotesque. So I ate seven nuggets (and I splurged on one bar-b-q sauce), a zone bar, and 15 Swedish fish yesterday. That's all! I promise!

Good scale news... I weighed 186 this morning. In nine more pounds, I'm going to start the process with my surgeon to get my tummy tuck. I'm waiting on the boob job because I am going to try to get insurance to help cover my stomache work, and don't want it to appear cosmetic in any way. Seriously, it's not. I'd be happy with just a panneculectomy with no muscle tightening at all. In fact, if they decide to do an actual tummy tuck, I want it loose. I don't want to be hunched over and in pain for three months. No thank you.

Anyway, no time to write... I just felt it necessary to explain the McNuggets situation.