Saturday, April 23, 2011

Rozerem girl strikes!!!

  • With the intent of switching things up, I've added the sleeping medication Rozerem to the Ambien I take. Rozerem hits quite a bit faster than my Ambien- there's no play time. There aren't too many feelings worse than the startle awake worry that maybe I z-mailed or blogged under the influence? Yup, I did...

  • The Ambien has been losing its efficacy (as to be expected), and I was hoping to replace it with the Rozerem, but it looks like I'm going to have to take it in addition to. That is fine, Rozerem increases melatonin or something similar to that, and is marketed as non-addicting. It's been working great for almost two weeks. The first week I was tired all of the time, but I rode out that side effect since they usually wear off, and I think it has. Fingers crossed that this new drug doesn't lose it's efficacy too quickly.

  • Speaking of not losing efficacy, I have been so pleased with my band this week. We have been eating out every day, and my band helps me to be so reasonable. For example, I can eat exactly half a cheese burger (with bun!), and a couple (ok, maybe three) fries. I do not drink with meals while I'm out because I will "bp" for certain if I do. I did eat an entire super nachos yesterday, but it took me from 11 am until 4 pm (FIVE hours) to accomplish the task, and there was no thought or desire to eat anything else for the rest of the day.

  • As we were out and about during the week, I kept particularly noticing obese women. It would break my heart- I know how miserable they are. It made me want to really use the tool I have and not let it go to waste. Ok, so my choices have not been stellar, I have been trying to focus on protein, which was probably the only band "rule" I kept religously. I've let that slide a bit... literally... now that I'm not focused on loss. I feel so fortunate to have this help!!! I want to utilize this tool for a very long time- I can not go back. I won't go back.

  • Like many other bandsters, I get a little bit concerned around holidays because they center around food. How many holidays are about giving candy??? Anyway, I did make a conscious effort to try to buy toys and not candy for my children this year. I did buy a little bit, but stuff I'm not crazy about. In years past, I would buy the kids candy that I liked... yup, I would. I am having to make an effort to not put myself in a bad position as far as candy. I did have some homemade crack peanut butter eggs my sister made... she obviously hates me. ;)

  • So, as mentioned in my tell-all Rozerem induced post, I have lots of emotional stuff in the next couple of weeks. It will be interesting to see how it affects my eating. I will be keeping a close eye on this. I think I'm going to do ok because I'm making the effort to be aware of both how I'm feeling and what I'm eating. Am I the only one who thinks its crazy that we have to focus so much on this aspect of our lives???

Friday, April 22, 2011

"Beach & Moon"

  • Long story summed up: Swiss -> French -> English translation-> "Bitch & Moan" and I'm about to do it!

  • Going to a family luau tomorrow. My grandmother is Hawaiian, and they are famous for these. But it's going to be outside, and it will be maybe 55 degrees out, and I feel like they only want us there for a freak show. Mr. Wonderful is staying sane about this, and says we should go and have a good time and ignore anyone we don't want to deal with. This side of the family thinks they are so perfect, and are judgemental of anyone they consider a "loser"- a term they letfreely fly. The last time they saw me, I was at my absolute heaviest. I do NOT enjoy the "oh, you look so good... how did you do it... wow, you used to be a complete heifer and now you're not... good job fatty!"

  • I missed most of work this week to spend time with my six year old. I have plans a, b, and c- but thought it would be really great bonding time if I spent as much time as I could doing things with him. We hung out with cousins, went to dinner, went swimming, drove to favorite parks, went to the mall to meet the easter bunny, ran around toys 'r'us, went to jump & bounce, the library, out to dinner, and we still need to make plans for the weekend. hopefully the stupid luau will build fabuous childhood memories!

  • Work was alot of drama, when I was there. I called the company that left me a message last Thursday saying they were very interested in me. I should download the message and have you all take votes on what you think. I am consoling myself with thre fact that lots of people go on vacation this week. I left a vm on Monday, and on Weds... maybe on more next week? There's a fine line between "interested go getter" and "crazy stalker". Any thoughts on what's professionally acceptable here?

  • My husband has family pictures next week. This is so difficult for mre. If we do this, we are only going to include my husband, myself, and our son. It's impossible to get his three here for this, and kind of awkward to have my kids in these. So we're trying to keep it simple. We'll be wrong pretty much anyway we plan on handling the situation so pppfffttt!!! Maybe I'll be interviewing on that day...

  • The week after that, most of my family is flying out for a little mini spring break. This doesn't usually emotionally end well for me, so everyone around me is bracing for the fall out. Maybe it will be just fine. Right?

  • That same weekend, Mr. W and are made plans to go see Joan Jett in concert- we're spending the night. Doing a little gambling. A little drinking. A little eating. It's fun for us, we almost always come back with things we talk and laugh about for years after. Great times!

  • I ate an entire super nachos today. That's it. My scale says I'm up a few, but it said that to all of us, so I'm wondering if it isn't just a big old lying hunk of metal lying on my floor ready to torment anyone who will stand on it.

  • I could keep going on here, but my sleeping meds are starting to hit... good night my pretties. Thanks for reading, and keep on posting!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Two years later...

The past two years on April 20th, I have had surgery. First my band in 2009, then my skin removal in 2010. Both I wanted so badly. Both were a step into the unknown. There were no guarantees for either, they were calculated risks for me. My life is my own because of both and I could not be happier about these two choices. What does April 20, 2011 hold for me? Now there's the REAL question! Now is when the journey begins! One very exciting thing may happen this very week... I'd say by chance, but I think there is a universal timing for everything... A few weeks ago, while doing some research for work (at home on my own time- now you know why I haven't been blogging- I'm a nerd), I decided to apply for a position with the company that is the leader to market and really the only vendor in the field of work I've fallen in love with. I'm doing this work for cheap for a large integrated system, but the thought of being able to do this on a national level- well, it would honestly be a dream job for me. I sent in my CV, pretty much thinking they'd laugh- but if I didn't try, it was a "no" for sure. Well, they called on Thursday! I get so wrapped up at work, that I didn't take the call! They weren't in on Friday, so now I have to wait for this week. I'm hoping and thinking that they want to fly me out for an interview. And I don't think it's a fluke that it's not happening until this week. I could nail this job. I could blow it out of the water for them. I hope they can see that. Plus, I have a passion for this little niche- which is unusual to say the least. And, I might get paid more in line for what I bring to the table. My boss told me that they were prepared to counter offer to keep me, but I'm wondering if they'll be able to compete with a much larger company. I win either way. If I could interview at the end of this coming week- I'll be able to hang out with three of my sisters in Maryland. The main office is in Philadelphia, and my parents are in Baltimore. My sister from California is visiting them right now, plus I'd get to see my other sister there who isn't coming out to visit me in May. Plus, there are some friends I'd really like to see while (if) I'm there- I've really got my fingers crossed that they want to interview me, and do it quickly. Honestly, I wouldn't be taking these chances if I hadn't taken a chance with band and with plastic surgery. I'm harping and this is boring to read, but holy hell- my life is so different and so much better two years later.

Friday, April 8, 2011

No Real Reason (attempt at paragraphs...WTF?)

There's no real reason I haven't been blogging. I haven't fallen off the wagon. I'm not depressed. Nothing bad. Just working hard and living life. All in all, things are good. When I first started blogging, I would see people shut down their blogs after they reached goal, or after awhile for whatever reason. I have not lost interest in my band or in blogging. I used to be worried about that. I am approaching my two year bandiversary. April 20th, 2009- I got my band. Remember dreaming about being on the other side? Thinking about the life you wanted? Thinking it would take forever to get there? Or worrying that it wouldn't at all? I AM SO HAPPY TO BE WHERE I'M AT. I am so happy that I made the effort to do this for myself. Where am I at two years later? Maintaining 130 lbs lost. That's about it. I pack my breakfast and lunch every work day and that's where I control my diet a bit. Other than that, I do rely on my band to put the brakes on for regular life and eating. My band is still working, still providing restriction. I was under the impression that at some point, it stops working. I have about 5 cc's in my 10 cc band. When I start getting hunger issues, I'll get another fill. My last one was in November (it was my 3rd fill), and it is definitely still working. I love that I don't really pay attention to food as much as I used to. I still have emotional triggers, but I can't physically do what I used to as far as over eating. On the flip side of that, there are days when I don't even think about food. AT ALL. There is at least one week every month where I have a difficult time getting in calories. I make sure I always eat at least 1200-1400 a day because I feel like crap if I eat less than that. Normally, I'd say I eat about 1800-2000 calories a day. There are a few (so few I can actually name them) days where I've eaten 2500-3000 calories. It's possible, but it's always a conscious decision. I've done it for social, fun to eat reasons, not for emotional reasons. I think that's reasonable. I love to move. I love to run. But at this point, I am still not using exercise to lose or keep weight off. My weight has been completely steady for a long time... probably longer than it ever has since before I had children. That's such a nice feeling. I think my body is at a true set point. My goal when I first got my band was to weight 159 lbs- which puts me at the highest end of normal. I'm about 10 lbs over that- but it's relatively effortless (but there is some effort, just not obsessive effort). I'm a size 12, and can enjoy shopping in normal stores and all the fun that goes with that. So, I am absolutely happy with my weight loss, even if I didn't reach my goal weight. I am happy and healthy- and a scale number isn't really what's important here. I do weigh myself every morning, and gage my eating for the day (or days) based on that. After a very long week, my husband and I skipped out of work this afternoon, and had a leisurely lunch at an Italian restaurant. I could enjoy it without fear. I had a fondue appetizer, salad, chicken alfredo, wine, and cheese cake for dessert. Nothing diet. But only a few bites of some of it and reasonable portions of the rest of it. That was all I ate for the day and it's late in the evening, and I'm still not hungry after our indulgence. This is a good life. Lastly, I wanted to share that for me, my band has improved my relationship with my husband. For some, losing weight has meant relationship changes- and I honestly think the band helps women to accurately self evaluate themselves and their relationships- and in my opinion that is a VERY good thing. Sometimes, it is time to move on. Other times, feeling better about yourself helps to strengthen relationships. I think I'm also a better mom- I'm definitely a better example for my children. I'm much happier post band- that's better for everyone. Ok, this is really lastly. I also wanted my band to help me professionally. And it has. Losing weight has given me confidence to learn and progress and grow and take chances. I do feel a sense of accomplishment with my weight loss. I had a tool to help me, but that was a smart decision. It's given me the confidence to continue making informed decisions, and that has proven profitable. I'm excited for two years out. It is everything I dreamed it would be. I've been lucky to not have any complications. The worries I did have, prooved to be false. It has not been an "easy" journey, just a possible one. Possible. That's all I needed.