Saturday, August 28, 2010

Beach & Moon (Again)

Long story about a Swiss friend of my husbands, but we don't "bitch & moan", we "beach & moon". Please bypass down to the next paragraph if you'd prefer to directly move on to band related stuff. Here goes. I love it/hate it, but I am putting in 50-60 hour weeks, which I haven't done since I stopped taking call last summer. The reason I'm working so much is because I'm learning every step of the way in my new job. That's beneficial to me, but so frustrating because I'm used to knowing what I know and doing it well. My first two weeks, I participated in an ongoing project and then had a small project of my own that utilized the skills that I brought with me. Both of these initial projects were only hospital wide. Now, I've been given a system wide project that would be huge for someone who has experience. I'm the kind of person who will not act like I know something when I don't, and will also be tenacious at following through on an assignment. Hence, I'm working until 10:30 or 11:00 at night. Unfortunately, I am not super woman, so I can't have that kind of stamina in all areas of my life. So, I've not been involved in parts of my world that are also important. It's a necessary evil for now, but I thought it might feel good to beach and moon about it in writing. The guilt part of this is another thing, and as you can tell from my last several posts, I'm trying hard to just drop it.

One stress that I am grateful to have gone is my weight and overeating issues. THANK YOU BAND. This is where I gloat, you all know how this is going to go. Blah, blah, blah... I can eat anything I want, and still lose weight. Hate me now. I'm expecting to see the 160's any second now, because I'm barely eating, and the amount of walking I do during the day has increased. I'm running all over a hospital campus every day, and at night I'm running errands for a couple of hours until I get into bed with my laptop and work for two or three more hours. I wake up running (figuratively). Being thin equals more movement and more movement equals being thin. I shopped in the junior's section this week. I BOUGHT from the jr's section this week. Thought I'd just throw that in there.

Part of my concious effort to drop the stress, is getting focused on the trip to Chicago. I'm typing and then backspacing all this analytic bullshit about what this will mean for me, realizing what I really need to do is get back to the word I chose for the year... was it spontaneous? I think it was. Hmmmm...

This B & M session is now completed. Thank you for your participation!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I was always worried about this...

When I first started blogging, it would make me so sad to start reading a blog, only for that persons life to get so busy that they stopped blogging. I worried and wondered if that would happen to me. Well, yes and no. I'm super busy, blogging has slowed, but my heaart is still with it. Enough guilt. :0

I got what I wanted. I've repeatedly mentioned that one of the reasons I got my band was for professional opportunity. Well, I've got it. I'm working hard and keep reminding myself that this is exactly what I wanted. When I pictured my career when I first started with this system, this is what and where I thought I'd be at this point. There is no other choice but to perform where I'm at, so that's what I'm working to do. I don't know why I'm surprised about how much I'm having to learn. It's making me feel very small, but that's ok because I am very small. Enough over analyzing. ;)

In band news, it's still there and awesome. My weight is completely steady, within the norms of acceptable monthly weight fluctuation. No loss, but no gain either! That's great in my book. I'm a solid size 12, which isn't skinny, but is certainly not fat. I feel fabulous. It's not a fight to be where I'm at, and that's exactly what I wanted from my band. There is not enough I can say about this. :)

Honestly, there has been so much going on in our personal lives that I can barely breath. I always say I don't like drama, yet I must because it always seems to be a big part of my life. I wouldn't even know where to start to share it, so I won't. I'm not super open with my feelings, and I try really hard on my blog to be more open. This is one reason why I'm still committed to blogging. No worries.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Funny little band...

First of all, I LOVE YOU GUYS! I feel like such a schmuck for not blogging and commenting as much as I had been previously, but you guys (gals) have been so sweet and wonderful and understanding. That means more to me than I can put into words. It's nice to be loved unconditionally, we are so fortunate to have each other.

That brings me to Chicago. I'm planning as if I'm going. Airplane tickets are already purchased. Today is the deadline for the hotel reservation, and I'm trying to get that done stat. This really is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I won't pass that up lightly.

Speaking of lightly... the Lays/PMS crisis is averted. Can't tell if there was any scale damage, but I will be fine if there is because I'm positive it will come off. How am I so positive? Well... my band is so tight with hormonal swelling that I almost can't see straight. Last night I was on the road and trying to eat my dinner... some chicken McNuggets (gross, I know, but completely convenient and easy to eat while driving). I got down three pieces and was feeling pretty full. Does that stop me sometimes? Of course not. So I took a bite out of McNugget #4, and... oh... no... I got "that" feeling. One tiny, little, stupid bite and I was over the edge. I proceeded to pb and slime almost the entire ride home, at 65 miles an hour no less. I couldn't help but to laugh thinking all the truckers on the road with me probably thought I was chewing tobacco and spitting. So f*cking lady like, but what was I to do? I'm fairly proficient at this now. Anyway, any question I had about my band needing to be tightened anytime soon has now been clearly answered.

Thanks again for all the love and support (you know who YOU are!!!) and I really value everything you say and share.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

So here's the deal...

Hi bloggers! I've missed so much this past week, and I'm a little sad about that. I've cut out my night time blogging (due to the sleep medicine issue, those posts were ridiculous and embarrassing). I can't blog during the day at my new job. Well, I "could" do it, but I'm choosing not to. This past week was week #2 on the new job, and the learning curve is steeeeeep. I had a project due Thursday and an even huger project due on Friday. I'm supposed to be bringing something to the table, and right now I'm just not up to full speed. I know, I know. I'll get there. But I don't like this feeling. Friday I was in a meeting with people who are so out of my league. They weren't intimidating, but I realized how little I truly am, and how much I still need to understand to contribute. This is exactly where I wanted to be, but I worry that I'm not as smart or experienced as the people I will be working with and for. I'm trying to stay patient and pace myself and keep my eyes wide open.

To the important part- my band. It's been great. My weight is completely stable. I could do with less wine. Last night, I fully had an indiscretion. By that I mean that 1) it wasn't planned, and 2) I ate more than one portion size... and that was some Lay's potatoe chips. My band completely slowed the rate at which I could consume the chips, and I'm thrilled with that. I think I'm starting to pms crave. I've had these chips in the house lots of times in the recent past, and they were not problematic. So, now I will not be buying these particular treats to bring into the house. Everyone will have to find alternative chips that I'm not super interested in eating. I wouldn't be surprised if I did gain some weight after yesterday. Nothing horrible, but it would be a true fat gain, and not just monthly water weight fluctuation. Great thing is, I woke up this morning and thought "no big deal" and I'll just attempt to eat better today. Wow, like a normal person?!?

On a personal note, we've had a full house with two of my husband's children here, as well as my son and his fiance and toddler, all arriving on the same day. Five kids and two grand children. Have I mentioned a time or ten that I love being a Mimi? Everyone (meaning my husband's and my children) have been getting along acceptably well. I don't want to jinx myself by saying anything better than that. I've been spending my evenings with them which is another reason I've not been blogging at night. The timing of their visits along with my new job has left me with zero down time. In a good way.

I'm trying to catch up on reading your posts. I've been thinking about many blogs and wondering how you were doing. It's amazing how much bandsters have become a part of my life. I honestly don't think I'd be doing as well working my band if it weren't for you. I'm still trying to work out my fall schedule, I want so badly to be able to do it all. I can usually figure out a way. My only concern is not putting my needs in front of other people in my family... it's a skill I'm working on. I used to never do things for me because I thought it was selfish. Since deciding on getting my band, I've realized that that thought process can be full of shit. Sometimes I need to put myself first. I think I've gotten fairly good at that, so now I try to be careful about balancing everyone's needs. I think that's something all women struggle with, banded or not.

So that's basically my deal for the past week. We've got a party to get to, so I'm signing off. Oh, and I've got some reading to catch up on...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

My new boss looks like Tony Stewart

Thanks so much for everyone taking such good care of our friends participating in the Chicago trip. Everyone is going to feel so welcome and will have alot of fun!

How do we want to work the bundle package? It may already be on the Boobs website as I type this. Either way I think $14 or $15 would be a fair amount for the t-shirt. I liked Joey's artwork better than the the sample the vendor sent back. I think the final product will look very good because of the type of t-shirt we've picked, and because of the experience and reputation this print shop has. Anyway, I'm having a hard time keeping up with everything. If I had more time I'd put this whole thing in a spread sheet or something organized with time lines, etc. However, I think we'll be able to get it all done fabulously the old fashioned way.

It actually turns out that I have three several good choices for trips from the middle of September thought the first weekend in October. In the middle of September, my husband and and I have been offered a free trip and it coincides with our anniversary. The second good choice I have to to go to Chicago! The third fine choice I have to to go to Maryland and see my grandmother (and Fall Festival! with my sisters). My grandma's b-day is actually this month (August) and she keeps telling my mom that she doesn't think she's ever going to see me again before she dies (she'll be 94). These are all good options in my opinion. So, I'm thinking I'm going to trade in my Chicago ticket for a trip to Maryland to see my memaw (my parents will pay for the whole trip). Then, I will also have a free trip for room, dinner and a show in Nevada with my husband for our anniversary. That leaves Chicago out of the free columns and also slightly into some guilty columns. I have not finished thinking about this... life comes at me so quickly... most of the time... just wanted to let you know where I was in this particular decision making process...

Either way, I'm here to help with the shirts, and anything else that I can help with. I'm not counting my self out here, but just honestly thinking out loud, So, let's go forward and continue in the cause and you can count on me for at least that much. At least these are all GOOD options. Sorry I've been so out of touch with my new job. I have had so much training,(four days with people from California), that I don't have my play time/computer time. That leaves trying to do computer time from home. Ha ha ha ha ha. This week, two of my husbands teenagers will be visiting us starting tomorrow, my son and his fiance and their child will be down on Tuesday or Wednesday to visit, my daughter and her new baby are still getting into their groove, and my five year old starts kindergarten this Tuesday. My husband just found out that his department is consolidating by January 1st, and I've just been given the greatest career growth opportunity I could ever have dreamed about. Pressure!!!!!!

My band is doing well... tight.... except I was able to drink an entire bottle of wine by myself from Friday evening through Sunday afternoon. I don't think I should make a habit of it. Until after all the kids are gone anyway, then I can stop... :) The band is keeping an honest woman of me, I'm I'm constantly proud when I look at my grocery shopping cart and see if full of healthy and delicious foods! Lean meats. Ethnic foods. Beautiful veggetables. Sweet juicy fruit. Goood carbydrates and oils.

This is how I feel about shopping for clothes now, too. So may choices, and I can pick and choose what ever I want, and it's fun and beautiful and makes me feel so good. The first lends itself to the later. I guess if you love yourself, you make beautiful choices, and in turn you look beautiful, I think this could go on into lots of other aspects of my life... but, it's time for me to go to bed. Love you all. There won't be much from me this week, but I'll try to read my little heart out. bisous!