Dream job called, again

The job was offered to me today.

So, now's probably a bad time to ask... but any thoughts on jobs that require all travel? I knew what it was when I hit "send"- I know it will be difficult, but for the experience- I figure it will be well worth it. Any last "hell no, don't do its" ???

Mr. W says I'll do just fine because I'm used to doing hard things... huh, huh, huh- (insert sexual inuendo here).

On the positive side, I need to buy clothes. My current boss is so sweet- we went suit shopping over the weekend. It's weird for me to buy things without looking for a sale. But, it's awesome fitting into, and looking half way decent in clothes. Although I have to admit I still always check out the plus size clothing... just to see what's there...

Can you believe it was a year ago?

We had a big birthday party today for my grandson's first birthday. Needless to say this year has felt like it's flown by. The baby is now a little boy, and my little girl is now a grown woman... oh, that's weird to say...

She really went to alot of trouble and planning to make this party special, and she did a terrific job. She insisted on making capcakes and frosting from scratch- which turned out delicious, but I think she's going to make things much simpler for herself with future birthday baking, etc...

It was a lovely day, but the mix of people was bizarre, and I'm an emotional cripple (ugh). Let's recap who was there? Baby's dad (who I have not seen in a year), his parents (who adopted him), his aunt (who is really his birth mother), her children, their grandparents (divorced), the grandfather's parents (about 100 years old), other aunts and cousins from the dad's side. Also in attendance was my daughter's dad (my ex-husband), my ex m-i-l-, my ex-husband's daughter (from the woman he cheated with), my in-laws (baby's step-grandparents), my sister & her family, my brother & his family, my husband's children (baby's step-aunt and step-uncle), a few other friends of my daughter's- and I think that's close to everyone.

Tonight my step-daughter and my ex-husband's daughter are having a sleepover in our downstairs family room together. Who would have guessed that scenario? Not me. This whole day was just so strange- and I did my shut down thing again. I really hate that. I wish I didn't get that way because I looked pretty good, my career is awesome, I have a fabulous husband, and everything about the party was wonderful. It would make more sense to take the perfect opportunity to go around and gloat- but I just emotionally retreat. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I was overwhelmed and I've been absolutely exhausted this week. Trying to knock stuff out of the ball park at work. I got an email from the recruiter for the job I interviewed for, and also from the VP who flew me out- both saying they were just checking references. Which I assume means that they are going to offer me the job? Well, as long as my references are favorable, and they WILL be good. My current boss is completely supportive, and gives me lots of positive feedback. I will feel bad if I leave her, but she understands that the political climate of our organization is what it is, and that this could be the opportunity of a lifetime. I told the HR guy he was welcome to call any of my previous employers (because I know they'll all give me stellar reviews).

Anyway, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, and I wish I had not been so introverted today, and I feel like I'm walking a tight wire, and hopefully I'll get lots of sleep tonight, and rest tomorrow, and my life will go back to a little slower pace. Or not, if I get this new job. I know I must secretly thrive on stress. But, good thing is... I'm only chubby now... and my stomach is flat... which I love every single day. I could use some lipo and a boob job, but all in good time...

Even if I didn't do so well today, it was still neat to see all these people get together for one very loved little guy. Each year brings things I never would have guessed... life is truly stranger than fiction...

Are you too nervous to eat?

That was the question I got at the interview breakfast today... and I was trying to eat, but I'm a picker now... however I did eat all of my bacon... one bite of toast (and that's an accomplishment as many bandsters can attest to), and a couple of bites of egg. We went to a diner type of place, so the choices were limited. I actually wasn't nervous, and thanks to some good advice, I just said I wasn't much of a breakfast eater, and that the food was delicious, and left the explanation at that.

The presentation went well, and I think the interview process was good. I go on automatic pilot, and just cross my fingers that I'm stringing words and sentences correctly! The feedback was positive, yet I still wonder if they were just being nice to let me down easily. The very last thing we discussed was salary and start dates, and we were on the same page with those. I'd like to think that was a positive sign. Honestly, I've never not gotten a job I've gone for, and I don't know how I'd handle that. I think I'd be fine. I'm a believer in everything happening for a reason. They'll let me know by next week...

So I'm back at my parents for all of six hours, and we've already resumed the food tour of my home town. It appears I actually didn't get to everything last month when I was here. This is when I love my band. It's a broken record coming from me, but it's awesome to be friends with food. I can enjoy a little of everything. Food really does seem to be love for families and that seems to be a universal thing. And I love food. Wow, that's alot of love here.

It's a relief the interview process is over, and I'm going to take it easy for awhile. I've been putting so much time and emotional energy into it- I'm glad it's done. I fly back to Utah on Saturday, and Mr. W and I have a Poison/ Motley Crue concert on Sunday. Did anyone see
"Hot Tub Time Machine"? These was were the two of the bands featured in that movie. We love all things 80's- even if I wasn't a headbanger when I was a teenager- it's fun to go back. My dad asked me "who goes to these concerts?" ...and I told him the PTA. It's true- who let's all the parents into these shows???

I'm off to see if blogger will update and then spend some time reading posts. I'm still a terrible commenter, but I'm actually a good reader! It's fun, and I'm constantly learning and enjoying following everyone's journeys. I wonder if I'll ever lose interest, but I don't think so. I'm going to go snag some Ben & Jerry's really quick, because I'm good calorie wise. This is shaping up to be a very relaxing night!

Breakfast !?!

My interview next Thursdays is scheduled to start- with breakfast!?! I can't eat in the mornings. I think I can eat oatmeal without needing to head for the restroom. Is it wrong that I don't want first introductions to include eating issues? Help !?!

Band update: Well, there really isn't one. Weight is steady- for well over a year now. Still eat whatever I want- just smaller portions. Size 12- top and bottom. Restriction remains. Everything and every reason I got my band for is happening- physical and mental health, clothes and shopping, fitting into society better (literally and figuratively), and obtaining what I thought I needed to progress professionally.

But, I am admittedly abnormal in my ability to eat- and I am also admittedly not sure how to deal with this in a new social situation. Can't I just pretend I was never fat?

Congratulations!

Today my daughter graduates from high school! She's really gotten her act together, and I'm proud of her accomplishment. The expectation was for no less than this, and what I'm the most proud of to this point, is that she's registered for all of her college classes in the fall. From my experience (or lack of)- education will be key for her to live a fulfilled life.

Speaking of lack of education... my face to face interview is on June 16th in Philadelphia. They don't usually interview people with "your profile". I GET IT! But, someone is smart enough to see that I am more than capable. The phone interview went very well. I think "who" I knew was what convinced them of "what" I knew. That's kind of a bummer because I was excited to talk shop with someone. The face to face is just to make sure that I dress professionally (HOW I LOOK- THANK YOU BAND), that I can handle myself professionally (it's only eight hours a day!?!), and that I can give a damn good presentation (and I can).

It's strange to think that only two weeks ago my grandmother passed away, and all the emotion that went along with that. Here we are now- life goes on and the good comes after the difficult. I want lots of good things for my daughter's life, and today marks that beginning.

Dream job called

Got home Sunday afternoon- flying is so much easier on me now that I've lost weight. Good thing, because my dream job called- and I'm that much closer to flying all the time.

On my way into work on Monday, I called the HR/recruiter person AGAIN. Holy hell, they answered the phone! The guy called me back (well, actually they ditched me again- but I called him- HA HA)- and honestly it was a little bit awkward. He thought I was DOA because of my education level. But, an hour later, HE CALLED ME. One of the VP's was "really interested".

This afternoon I got a call from someone NOT in HR/recruiting, telling me how sorry she was that she was getting back to me so late but that she herself had just seen my resume, and they were "really interested" and she didn't want me to think that they weren't. She said those exact words. She was in an airport catching a flight, and she's going to call me tomorrow for a phone interview and basically to set up a time to meet. I think she WILL actually call me.

I'm excited to talk with someone who will be excited (and UNDERSTAND) what I do! Usually people's eyes just gloss over with overwhelming boredom- but I love what I do and this little niche, and I think this conversation will NOT be awkward, and I'm looking forward to it. I just want to get to it!

So, I may be flying back out to my parents. Things are still good.

Anger & Beauty

My grandmother looked absolutely beautiful today (technically yesterday, it's Sunday morning where I am, and the world appears to still be here). My grandma looked truly beautiful this last time that I was able to see her. I have to say that my mom and I picked a lovely dress for her, and she had on her pearl necklace and earrings. The funeral home did her hair and make-up so well... she looked natural and peaceful and pretty.

There was no end of the world blow up, at least in my family. I leave in four hours, and I've been at home for seven entire days with no one fighting. I've seen my sister upset, but not over anything new, not on this particular trip anyway. I'm terrified to let my guard down with my mom, but even after my extremely upset and angry blog last night, there's still a part of me that wants to believe that my mom is capable of unconditional love and that things have improved.

I don't know if there's been closure and resolution. On some things I think there have been, but I'm still processing. My mom and dad keep trying- they spend lots of money on travel for all of us to see them, and to see each other. I want to just give them a break, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to make myself that vulnerable. If that makes sense.

The service for my grandma was as beautiful as she was. It was held outdoors at a little church in the country that was built in the 1740's. The weather could not have been more perfect- seventy degrees and sunny. She is now buried with three of her four children. I felt like the words that were spoken were a beautiful tribute and captured who she really was, minus all of the emotional burdens she carried. It wasn't so much about not saying bad things, but forgiving and understanding that those were not who she was, but something she sadly carried.

I'd like nothing more than to believe that my mom is doing the best that she can with the baggage she carries. Even though I understand that it's "not me"... it's difficult when it hurts me... and it also takes a physical toll on me that I can't really afford to pay. I want to just get over it, let it go, forgive & forget... if only it were that easy.

For this very moment, beauty has overcome anger.