Monday, December 27, 2010

some dumb title

It's over and I did alright. This weekend had to be as magical as I could muster, for my little guy. It was delighful to watch his excitement through all of the holiday festivities. I came "this" close to skipping out on the Christmas day plans, but I went because I couldn't bear the thought of missing one single memory of his childhood.

Two Christmases ago, I was just a few months off from being banded. I was at my highest weight ever, and very sick and miserable. Last Christmas, I had lost one hundred pounds, and had made it to onderland, but was not really where I wanted to be. This Christmas, I'm good with my weight, but I didn't have the feeling I thought I would. Being thinner is wonderful (worth the price I paid), but it doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

Do you ever get the feeling that not everyone is ok with your weight loss? At one of our parties, I was actually a little rude about people saying anything about it. I believe they were sincere-ish in their compliments, but this is what I heard- "Wow, you used to be such a heffer and now you're not... good job!". Thanks?!?

At another party, a family member was passing out dessert, and I wanted a piece of pecan pie (planned, no guilt)- and she literally gave me one fifth of the pie, and then watched to see how much I'd eat. On the way home my daughter mentioned the ginormous piece, and thought it was actually going to one of the men, and was surprised it was intended for me. My band is so tight I could barely eat a few nuts off of the top. Hope it was a good show for her. I should have forced it, and pb'ed or slimed- that would have been entertaining, no?

Obviously, I haven't completely emotionally processed the weight loss, or how to handle the subject in social situations. I was a little less peeved about pictures this year, but I certainly did not feel like a million bucks or anything. I'm so grateful for my weight loss, I really am. But I'm once again reminded that true content does not come from being thin. Honestly, it helps... often, but it's not a one way ticket to happy town.

Before you think I'm ready to jump in front of a truck- I'm not. The long hours last week started a fibromyalgia flare up, pain like I haven't had in a very long time. It makes me worried because I don't want to be debilitated by this disease. I've actually been proud at how well I've gotten it under control. This has not helped my general attitude.

Two more parties, but we're going to have to choose one, and I've left this decision up to Mr. Wonderful. Then life will go back to "normal"? Either way, I know what I'm wearing... something NOT from the plus section.


  1. I am sorry for your discontent, I hope it gets better for you. I honestly haven't thought of how it will be at social gatherings once I get "there". I have two things going for me though, one, I don't ever do social gatherings, or get togethers. Two, I don't really care what they have to say or think. What do you do for your flare ups? My father was just diagnosed and is not doing to well with it.(fibromayalgia, that is). Anyway, I wish you the best, and that you can find that contentness you are looking for. Happy New Year!

  2. What a bunch of idiots. Would it kill people to just be happy for your success? The pecan pie thing really pisses me off.

    I'm so glad you had a Merry Christmas with your little man and Mr.Wonderful. But ummmm where are the pics? Huh?? Please show us Bah Humbugs what a Merry Christmas looks like ;)

    I'm trying to find a way to get away for a weekend and go shopping in Salt Lake. If it can swing it I'll let you know.

    Have a Happy New Year!!!

  3. Oh I would have smacked that heifer. Jesus. I'm glad it's over - too many people, too little routine for me and the meaning is lost on all the materialism. I love you...hang in there.

  4. YOU are magic! Screw everybody else.

  5. I sooooo get not wanting 'compliments' from certain people!!!

    Sorry you had a crappy time....

  6. I don't think I would have been able to not slap the woman over the pie. And I totally understand what you mean about's hard to not hear "Wow, you were SO fat before!"

  7. People can be strange. However, sometimes it can be a matter of miscommunication. I was upset because my family wasn't saying anything about my weight loss. I thought that they thought I didn't deserve compliments since I wasn't losing weight on my own. However, I found out last week they weren't saying anything because they thought I didn't want them to say anything. My uncle told my hubby how good I looked and my hubby said I'd love to hear the compliment. My uncle said "But she said not to say anything." They had totally misunderstood what I had said about me not wanting them to say anything about my surgery to people outside of our family. They thought I didn't want them to say anything at all. Anyway, not that your scenario is like mine, but sometimes the intent isn't always what we think. Try to enjoy the compliments and not second guess them because you definitely deserve them!

  8. The only thing I know for sure is that people are weird! Enjoy your successes! You have earned them.

  9. Relatives are so weird. Hope you are feeling better soon..I agree with Gilly

  10. Thanks for your comment on how I am going with my fill - I will post shortly about it but am strapped for time - I just wanted you to know I appreciate your kind words :)

    I love that you are completely honest about the fact that being/becoming skinny does not bring happiness. I think alot of people go into this thinking it will.

    Happy New Year :)