It's over and I did alright. This weekend had to be as magical as I could muster, for my little guy. It was delighful to watch his excitement through all of the holiday festivities. I came "this" close to skipping out on the Christmas day plans, but I went because I couldn't bear the thought of missing one single memory of his childhood.
Two Christmases ago, I was just a few months off from being banded. I was at my highest weight ever, and very sick and miserable. Last Christmas, I had lost one hundred pounds, and had made it to onderland, but was not really where I wanted to be. This Christmas, I'm good with my weight, but I didn't have the feeling I thought I would. Being thinner is wonderful (worth the price I paid), but it doesn't necessarily bring happiness.
Do you ever get the feeling that not everyone is ok with your weight loss? At one of our parties, I was actually a little rude about people saying anything about it. I believe they were sincere-ish in their compliments, but this is what I heard- "Wow, you used to be such a heffer and now you're not... good job!". Thanks?!?
At another party, a family member was passing out dessert, and I wanted a piece of pecan pie (planned, no guilt)- and she literally gave me one fifth of the pie, and then watched to see how much I'd eat. On the way home my daughter mentioned the ginormous piece, and thought it was actually going to one of the men, and was surprised it was intended for me. My band is so tight I could barely eat a few nuts off of the top. Hope it was a good show for her. I should have forced it, and pb'ed or slimed- that would have been entertaining, no?
Obviously, I haven't completely emotionally processed the weight loss, or how to handle the subject in social situations. I was a little less peeved about pictures this year, but I certainly did not feel like a million bucks or anything. I'm so grateful for my weight loss, I really am. But I'm once again reminded that true content does not come from being thin. Honestly, it helps... often, but it's not a one way ticket to happy town.
Before you think I'm ready to jump in front of a truck- I'm not. The long hours last week started a fibromyalgia flare up, pain like I haven't had in a very long time. It makes me worried because I don't want to be debilitated by this disease. I've actually been proud at how well I've gotten it under control. This has not helped my general attitude.
Two more parties, but we're going to have to choose one, and I've left this decision up to Mr. Wonderful. Then life will go back to "normal"? Either way, I know what I'm wearing... something NOT from the plus section.