My sword is bloody, but I am alive! And I no longer drink diet soda. It's been three days, and no withdrawal symptoms at all. I think it was making my fibromyalgia symptoms worse... especially the "fibro fog" part. Psychosomatic or not, my brain seems to have cleared up noticably after my first day off. I'm not sleeping any better, but I am able to focus so much better during the day. I'm not going to be fanatical about this like the first time I went off... over a year with NO soda touching my lips. I may consider drinking it if we're eating out. But, no more 2 litres during the day. Yes, you read me right. I was drinking an entire 2 litre a day. And, I am surprised it was effecting me negatively? Yes. Yes I am. Sigh.
Mr. W has decided to eat healthier (aka go on a diet). I've been helping him with calories, portions, nutrition, etc. Guys suck because they can eat so damn much and still lose weight. Before I continue on about how bitter I am about that, I will move onto the new scale issue. Since we're both doing this weight loss thing, and since my scale was fickle at best, we decided to get a new scale. Nothing fancy, just one from Target. But, when I step on it... it says the same thing. The exact same thing. Over and over again. Even when I move it around. So, I think my old scale WAS broken. Or crap anyway.
Spontaneous:
Dunno. Don't care. :)
Food:
Today during work I am eating the following- zone bar, yogurt, oatmeal, salisbury steak & mac-n-cheese. 41 grams protein, 700 calories. Babette has been tight (she is unpredictable at times), so my calories have been good and I'm able to be satisfied with very small amounts of food. Yesterday, I got in all of my protein, and wanted to get in some more calories (imagine that!), so I had a teeny bit of key lime pie, and, yes AND, a swiss cake role. YUM. I felt like I had completely indulged, and I had, but my calories for the day were still around 1300. Fabulous. I know I'm not a nutrition nut, and that is because I need to do what is sustainable for me. But remember, I'm off soda! So, I do make a few healthy decisions. Go me!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I met the band!
This is not a play on words or double entendre. I surprised Mr. W with tickets to one of his favorite bands- Queensryche. The show was actually REALLY good. It was nice to see that the group wasn't stuck in a time warp, but was alternatively contemperary. After the show, we went to our favorite casino to gamble, and had a fabulous evening. We even kissed right in the middle of a skylight walkway between casinos. There wasn't anyone around, just the night and bright lights everywhere. Very romantic! I felt beautiful, healthy, alive, and so grateful for the moment.
After we were finished in the casino, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. W went to bring the car to the front door to pick me up. I was alone standing in the vestibule between the front doors when a white van pulled up. And, out steps my husband's favorite band, all of them including the drummer (for whom he has warned me he would go gay). The lead singer was first, and he was almost completely past me when I got up the nerve to say hello and tell him I enjoyed the show. There was no way I could tell my husband that Queensryche walked past me, and I didn't say a word. The three guitarists were next, and I wasn't nervous at all talking with them. I was flipping out because I knew the drummer was on his way through the door, and I was desperately trying to think of something to say to him. The only two things I could think of were A) a version of the "good show tonight" I had given everyone else in the band or B) My husband wants to be your bitch. The rest of the band was in the lobby when the drummer came through the door. He looks at me, and before I have a chance to say a word, he says to ME... "well, HELLO there...". OMG he talked to me FIRST! He didn't even know I had spoken to the rest of the band, or that I'd been to his concert. I think he actually thought I was attractive! Remember, I was the only person waiting between the doors, so I had zero competition. I kept my composure and said hello back, and luckily for everyone involved, I decided to go with option "A" of "great show tonight".
So, as the van drives away, up drives Mr. W to get me, and I'm RUNNING (with high heels on!)out of the doors waiving and screaming. Since the band was completely through the doors, I didn't have to put on my "Yeah, I meet entire rock bands all the time" act. My husband thought I had hit a jackpot in the five minutes he had been gone... but it was even better and stranger than that! Oh! He felt so cheated on! His wife had met his favorite band while he was being a nice guy. And, his man crush had thought his wife was hot(ish)! He felt so cheated on! But, happy in a once removed kind of way. Or famous by association. After I told him the story fifty times in a row, we decided that the chances of this happening were about a squillion to one. The universe is weird. And, my new favorite saying is "well, HELLO there"... A simple reminder that... I met the band!
Now, back to the "other" band. For the first time ever since I've had Babette, I intentionally wanted to bypass her. We were in buffet city, and I wanted to do it right! Babette was being a biddy, and she would not let up not even with sliders. There was no pigging out for me AT ALL. And, I didn't push her because I didn't want to PB on our romantic get away. So, I begrudgingly did very well with food over the weekend.
Spontaneous:
Um, please see above!
Food:
Thirty five grams of protein planned for the daytime. I'm sticking to 700 calories during the day. Oh, and I'm going off of diet pepsi. Yes, that's big news in and of itself. But, I'll save that for another time. Happy short week!
After we were finished in the casino, and being the gentleman that he is, Mr. W went to bring the car to the front door to pick me up. I was alone standing in the vestibule between the front doors when a white van pulled up. And, out steps my husband's favorite band, all of them including the drummer (for whom he has warned me he would go gay). The lead singer was first, and he was almost completely past me when I got up the nerve to say hello and tell him I enjoyed the show. There was no way I could tell my husband that Queensryche walked past me, and I didn't say a word. The three guitarists were next, and I wasn't nervous at all talking with them. I was flipping out because I knew the drummer was on his way through the door, and I was desperately trying to think of something to say to him. The only two things I could think of were A) a version of the "good show tonight" I had given everyone else in the band or B) My husband wants to be your bitch. The rest of the band was in the lobby when the drummer came through the door. He looks at me, and before I have a chance to say a word, he says to ME... "well, HELLO there...". OMG he talked to me FIRST! He didn't even know I had spoken to the rest of the band, or that I'd been to his concert. I think he actually thought I was attractive! Remember, I was the only person waiting between the doors, so I had zero competition. I kept my composure and said hello back, and luckily for everyone involved, I decided to go with option "A" of "great show tonight".
So, as the van drives away, up drives Mr. W to get me, and I'm RUNNING (with high heels on!)out of the doors waiving and screaming. Since the band was completely through the doors, I didn't have to put on my "Yeah, I meet entire rock bands all the time" act. My husband thought I had hit a jackpot in the five minutes he had been gone... but it was even better and stranger than that! Oh! He felt so cheated on! His wife had met his favorite band while he was being a nice guy. And, his man crush had thought his wife was hot(ish)! He felt so cheated on! But, happy in a once removed kind of way. Or famous by association. After I told him the story fifty times in a row, we decided that the chances of this happening were about a squillion to one. The universe is weird. And, my new favorite saying is "well, HELLO there"... A simple reminder that... I met the band!
Now, back to the "other" band. For the first time ever since I've had Babette, I intentionally wanted to bypass her. We were in buffet city, and I wanted to do it right! Babette was being a biddy, and she would not let up not even with sliders. There was no pigging out for me AT ALL. And, I didn't push her because I didn't want to PB on our romantic get away. So, I begrudgingly did very well with food over the weekend.
Spontaneous:
Um, please see above!
Food:
Thirty five grams of protein planned for the daytime. I'm sticking to 700 calories during the day. Oh, and I'm going off of diet pepsi. Yes, that's big news in and of itself. But, I'll save that for another time. Happy short week!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Spontaneous, Impulsive, Instinctive
Every day, I think about my "word" for the year- spontaneous. I want to embody a certain essence in my life that I believe has been lacking, and in turn has been holding me back from living my life to the fullest. Part of that I think has contributed to my weight issues. I guess I'm now attempting a more wholistic approach to everything in my life. This isn't just about weight loss, it's much bigger than that.
In order to continue to understand, for myself, what it is I'm trying to achieve, I've come accross some additional meanings and synonyms for "spontaneous". The word itself implies lack of prompting and connotes naturalness. The word "impulsive" can have some negative connotations, but simply it only implies acting under emotion or spirit of the moment. The second synonym is "instinctive" which stresses action involving neither judgment nor will. This year I want to be all about natural feelings, real emotion, and actions that stem from those without any judgment of myself.
No more thinking everything through and beyond. I can't make a right hand turn without planning it half a mile in advance. Who cares? No more suppressing what I truly think and feel. I am now owning my emotions, and making it clear to the negative people in my life that I'm no longer interested. And, I am letting myself off the hook for alot. Well, actually everything. I can't do anything about the past, but accept it for what it was, and move on. And honestly, my past isn't anything major, but for how hard I've been on myself? Well, let's just say it's been a little disproportional.
I am eating what I want. I am drinking what I want. I am driving for scenery and not time. I shop slowly at Wal-Mart, no pressure, and no longer leave with a headache. I take the time and expense to get monthly manicures AND pedicures. I got weight loss surgery. I am cutting out toxic family members. I am being true to my heart and head and publicly expressing all of my liberalism (this might not sound big to some, but is huge given my upbringing). I believe in civil and human rights for everyone. I believe in seperation of church and state. I am against organized religion, but believe in personal spirituality. This is the range of what I'm trying to accomplish. Everything from what should be mindless activities such as eating all the way through defining my world and attempting to understand the universe. This word "spontaneous" is no small thing for me, but daily it manifests itself in my life in almost all small things. Including weight loss.
Food:
The usual. 45 grams of protein is the important part. This weekend, I will be eating well... as in out... delicious... no diet mentality... just small portions of whatever I really want. I am excited for my weekend, and I promise it will be alot lighter and more fun than this post! I'll tell you all about our trip and concert on Monday. Happy Valentines day and long weekend! Be safe.
In order to continue to understand, for myself, what it is I'm trying to achieve, I've come accross some additional meanings and synonyms for "spontaneous". The word itself implies lack of prompting and connotes naturalness. The word "impulsive" can have some negative connotations, but simply it only implies acting under emotion or spirit of the moment. The second synonym is "instinctive" which stresses action involving neither judgment nor will. This year I want to be all about natural feelings, real emotion, and actions that stem from those without any judgment of myself.
No more thinking everything through and beyond. I can't make a right hand turn without planning it half a mile in advance. Who cares? No more suppressing what I truly think and feel. I am now owning my emotions, and making it clear to the negative people in my life that I'm no longer interested. And, I am letting myself off the hook for alot. Well, actually everything. I can't do anything about the past, but accept it for what it was, and move on. And honestly, my past isn't anything major, but for how hard I've been on myself? Well, let's just say it's been a little disproportional.
I am eating what I want. I am drinking what I want. I am driving for scenery and not time. I shop slowly at Wal-Mart, no pressure, and no longer leave with a headache. I take the time and expense to get monthly manicures AND pedicures. I got weight loss surgery. I am cutting out toxic family members. I am being true to my heart and head and publicly expressing all of my liberalism (this might not sound big to some, but is huge given my upbringing). I believe in civil and human rights for everyone. I believe in seperation of church and state. I am against organized religion, but believe in personal spirituality. This is the range of what I'm trying to accomplish. Everything from what should be mindless activities such as eating all the way through defining my world and attempting to understand the universe. This word "spontaneous" is no small thing for me, but daily it manifests itself in my life in almost all small things. Including weight loss.
Food:
The usual. 45 grams of protein is the important part. This weekend, I will be eating well... as in out... delicious... no diet mentality... just small portions of whatever I really want. I am excited for my weekend, and I promise it will be alot lighter and more fun than this post! I'll tell you all about our trip and concert on Monday. Happy Valentines day and long weekend! Be safe.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
One more girl in the world
One more girl in the world weighs in the 180's- and she's ME! Looks like the cut and color worked. I think all the slowness in weight loss was because I'm gaining HAIR! Lots and lots of baby hairs! All over! Fabulous.
Can I just say that this last little bit of weight loss has been the most excruciating ever? I've lost over 400 lbs in my illustrious weight losing career, and have NEVER discussed one single pound of it with anyone. Except for this last six pounds (or so). It does not make me more accountable to write about it, I am only accountable to myself. But, I think I still like getting all of the craziness out of head, and into a format I can analyze. That part has been helpful. I've probably had weight loss this slow MANY times, but never once put it in writing where it was obvious to me how it was going. Hopefully, my band and keeping this blog will both help to end my second career! The band is helping my first career for sure (for anyone who missed it, I got a nice raise on Monday).
Spontaneous:
We're getting a surprise snow storm... and I sat in my parked car and just enjoyed the beauty of everything being white. That was really nice.
Food:
Oatmeal, yogurt, zone bar, turkey & mashed potatoes, popcorn. You can probably guess how many calories (700), and protein is 43 grams. Babette (my dear sweet band) is really giving me some love! I tried to eat some fish two nights ago, and yesterday for lunch, and whoa! do I need to eat is slowly. For dinner last night, I had a bite of buffalo chicken strip, and a few bites of homemade mac & cheese, and that's all she'd allow. I love eating a tiny bit of really yummy food, and feeling oh so full. I could not do this without her. I love you, Babette. Smooches.
Can I just say that this last little bit of weight loss has been the most excruciating ever? I've lost over 400 lbs in my illustrious weight losing career, and have NEVER discussed one single pound of it with anyone. Except for this last six pounds (or so). It does not make me more accountable to write about it, I am only accountable to myself. But, I think I still like getting all of the craziness out of head, and into a format I can analyze. That part has been helpful. I've probably had weight loss this slow MANY times, but never once put it in writing where it was obvious to me how it was going. Hopefully, my band and keeping this blog will both help to end my second career! The band is helping my first career for sure (for anyone who missed it, I got a nice raise on Monday).
Spontaneous:
We're getting a surprise snow storm... and I sat in my parked car and just enjoyed the beauty of everything being white. That was really nice.
Food:
Oatmeal, yogurt, zone bar, turkey & mashed potatoes, popcorn. You can probably guess how many calories (700), and protein is 43 grams. Babette (my dear sweet band) is really giving me some love! I tried to eat some fish two nights ago, and yesterday for lunch, and whoa! do I need to eat is slowly. For dinner last night, I had a bite of buffalo chicken strip, and a few bites of homemade mac & cheese, and that's all she'd allow. I love eating a tiny bit of really yummy food, and feeling oh so full. I could not do this without her. I love you, Babette. Smooches.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I will definitely lose weight today!
Getting my haircut this morning, so I will definitely lose weight today. I think the problem with my scale is the floors in my house, they are uneven. Why do I continue to weigh myself every day? Because I want to see the 180's as quickly as possible, so I'm willing to drive myself crazy with daily weigh-in's, knowing full well that the fluctuations of daily weight are maddening. Weight was 191 today. No joke. And, it's not physically possible for me to be gaining weight, or even maintaining. So, I wait. And drive myself nuts. And anyone who may be reading this. Sorry. :)
The hair "trim" (JUST A TRIM, PLEASE) is in preparation for my weekend! Going to Queensryche with Mr. W this Saturday. I've never listened to heavy metal, but I did listen to a few clips that were emailed to me. Actually, not too bad. The two or three songs I heard anyway. There was an orchestra in the background in one song, and accoustic guitar in another. It's embarrassing to hear the music I listened to in the 80's, the sound quality is baaaad. Really awful. But, I still listen to it sometimes.
Spontaneous:
I have lots of shopping to do, and I'm going to get a few surprises for our weekend away...
Food:
I need to go the store. Yogurt, Zone bar (half of it eaten, the other half thrown away, I hate the caramel chocolate flavor), pepperjack, plain tuna. Maybe I'll see if Mr. W is free for lunch today. If not, I may opt to not eat anything else until tonight. I'm noticing I have this thing about really enjoying my food. I'd rather spend calories on yummy over nutrition most days of the week. And both days on the weekend! Have a fabulous Wednesday, love to all.
The hair "trim" (JUST A TRIM, PLEASE) is in preparation for my weekend! Going to Queensryche with Mr. W this Saturday. I've never listened to heavy metal, but I did listen to a few clips that were emailed to me. Actually, not too bad. The two or three songs I heard anyway. There was an orchestra in the background in one song, and accoustic guitar in another. It's embarrassing to hear the music I listened to in the 80's, the sound quality is baaaad. Really awful. But, I still listen to it sometimes.
Spontaneous:
I have lots of shopping to do, and I'm going to get a few surprises for our weekend away...
Food:
I need to go the store. Yogurt, Zone bar (half of it eaten, the other half thrown away, I hate the caramel chocolate flavor), pepperjack, plain tuna. Maybe I'll see if Mr. W is free for lunch today. If not, I may opt to not eat anything else until tonight. I'm noticing I have this thing about really enjoying my food. I'd rather spend calories on yummy over nutrition most days of the week. And both days on the weekend! Have a fabulous Wednesday, love to all.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Surgery has paid for itself
I knew that being thinner would help my career. Yesterday, out of the blue, it did just that. I was expecting it, but not this quickly. My insurance paid at only 50%for weight loss surgery, and I ended up paying about $9,000 out of pocket. Even if I had to pay for the band completely self pay, it would be absolutely worth it from a financial perspective. I couldn't afford not to lose this weight.
No love from the scale. But, my (NEW!) pants are getting looser. Whatever is or is not happening, is visible. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but maybe... my scale is broken?
Spontaneous:
Not so much today.
Food:
Zone bar, cheese & egg & sausage english muffin thingy, pepperjack cheese, chicken alfredo 700 calories, 35 grams protein. I'm hungry this morning.
No love from the scale. But, my (NEW!) pants are getting looser. Whatever is or is not happening, is visible. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but maybe... my scale is broken?
Spontaneous:
Not so much today.
Food:
Zone bar, cheese & egg & sausage english muffin thingy, pepperjack cheese, chicken alfredo 700 calories, 35 grams protein. I'm hungry this morning.
Monday, February 8, 2010
How to lose 5 lbs in one week!!!
I often have to remind myself of things I already know. Like, the slower you lose weight, the greater the likelihood that you'll keep it off. Permanent weight loss sounds good to me! So, why the impatience with losing weight? Because I want it, and I want it now! Even if it's better the other way!?! Today, my weight is at 190.2- I am soooooooo close to the 180's, and have been wanting it for weeks. But, not so badly to knock my socks off for it. So, I'm losing weight slowly- which after already losing over 100 lbs, is really the better way to do this. It's sustainable weight loss. I can eat like a crazy, low calorie, perfect eater, no cheater, dieter (yes, I said dieter, because we all do it even with our bands) for only so long.
So, how do you lose 5 lbs in one week? Wait, do I truly want to lose 5 lbs in one week? 4? 3? 2? 1? Does it matter, as long as I'm losing? What will I look like in one year, if I eat exactly as I am currently eating? I will be a skinny bitch! At 1200-1800 calories a day, doing nothing else, I will most likely be a size 8, and weigh my goal weight of 150 lbs. That, I can do! The band makes it a more than reasonable expectation. I will be in the 180's this week, without a doubt. I feel there already. But, guess what? It's just a number! That's all it is. What I truly want is long term.
Spontaneous:
I got nothin...
Food:
Granola bars, yogurt, pepperjack, rice & beans... 700 cals, 25 grams protein. I'm thinking fish for dinner. Now, I'm thinking I better get back to work, Mondays are always busy...
So, how do you lose 5 lbs in one week? Wait, do I truly want to lose 5 lbs in one week? 4? 3? 2? 1? Does it matter, as long as I'm losing? What will I look like in one year, if I eat exactly as I am currently eating? I will be a skinny bitch! At 1200-1800 calories a day, doing nothing else, I will most likely be a size 8, and weigh my goal weight of 150 lbs. That, I can do! The band makes it a more than reasonable expectation. I will be in the 180's this week, without a doubt. I feel there already. But, guess what? It's just a number! That's all it is. What I truly want is long term.
Spontaneous:
I got nothin...
Food:
Granola bars, yogurt, pepperjack, rice & beans... 700 cals, 25 grams protein. I'm thinking fish for dinner. Now, I'm thinking I better get back to work, Mondays are always busy...
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