Wonder Woman

If you prefer not to read about sex, this would be a good post to skip, because I do plan on mentioning it a time or two.

First though, my second drain completely lost suction last night, and I couldn't fix the leak or stand the "ssssssss" sound it was making, so I pulled it. Well, I called my surgeon and told him what I was doing.

me: "my drain has lost all suction"
doctor: "it's not doing anything"
me: "(mentally "duh") so I'm going to pull it, ok?"
doctor: "don't forget to cut the stitches. you'll remember it if you don't"
me: "(mentally "double duh") ok, there's two, and i'll be sure to get both"

I had a difficult time seeing the stitches, so Mr. W went WAY out of his comfort zone, and helped me snip the stitches. They were "encrusted", so I really appreciated his help. I pulled the rest. Whew. No more balls. Then Mr. W asks if I'm going to cut off my other ones. NOPE. The metaphoric ones STAY. :)

So, sweet little innocent Draz(e)brought up sex every night? And, also "faking it". Draz, you can't brush on THAT topic so lightly. Let's talk about that? Sex really is my favorite subject, and I'd like to discuss this with my favorite girl friends. I also am a big believer in women taking responsiblity for their own sexual satisfaction... if you don't know how to make yourself orgasm, how the hell can anyone else? Sorry if I'm weird. I'm not. You all like the subject, too. So whatever, because I know you do.

Speaking of sexual satisfaction. Not so much in our house. I'm still too much of an invalid. The thought has definitely crossed my mind... maybe now that I don't have nasty drains... those were really "TOO" gross, even for us. Mr. W says when I can stand upright, then he'll be ready. That could take months, so I may have to initiate things. Soon. Someone talked about "DSB" in one of the comments to Drazil on her sex post. "Deadly Seamen Backup"- I need to tell my husband about this dangerous condition! He did this mental "turn off" when I had my surgery, and I believe it is truly and honestly causing real depression in him. Geez. Just do it in the shower already. I know that's what he probably did before we were married. It's just biological, it's not always about "love" and "connecting emotionally". Sometimes it is purely about getting the JOB DONE. I would prefer THAT over a depressed man, and it could KILL him. Holy hell.

I at least have the assurance of knowing he's thinking long term though. That brings us to Wonder Woman. When I first met Gilly in blogger world, I loved her Wonder Woman characatures, for a couple of reasons. First, because my husband has a WW fetish. Second, because her WW is chubby AND sexy. I thought it was absolutely fabulous. I've been waiting to indulge Mr. W in his WW fantasy until I was thin. I've been putting it off, but now that I've had my surgery, my days are numbered. How do I know this for certain? Well, the notebook he bought for me to write down my narcotics times and drains output was a WONDER WOMAN notebook. One afternoon this week, he gave me a WW figurine for my desk (and I am NOT a nick nack kinda girl). Yesterday, he started sending me "links" for WW outfits... to my work email... and telling me maybe not to open them up at work... ???

Anyway, don't tell him, but this WW outfit idea is actually getting a little exciting for me. I may not even wait until Halloween. Kidding. It will NOT be for public display. Wait, does that make the visual better or worse? Kidding again. So, I just wanted to chime in on the sex topic, because sex sells. We all love it. I love it. I love to talk about it. I like to read about it (a little bit, anyway).

On that note... have a great weekend everyone...

Dear FBI,

Please do not arrest me. This is the only post op week two picture that I have. I am posting it for medical reasons. I am aware that my china is showing, and I am very sorry. It is partially covered by my jp drain, so it is not complete nudity. I am also (barely) over 18 years old, so I am (barely) more than legal. No, I do not think this is a joke. Please do not arrest me.

Dear Everyone Else,
The pose is unflattering, but look how thin I'm looking! I know that's not a humble thing to say.. but, DAAAMMMNNN, if I don't say so myself! And that's still with ten pounds of swelling. I don't give a hoot about the love handles. Seriously, I am so happy to just not be AS deformed. I still can't get the next size down jeans on, and it's weird that my hips are the smallest part of my body. I know, I know... it's only because of the "seroma" (ie hideous massive swelling), and I'm trying to be patient. That's not easy. I want a thin tummy, and I want it NOW!

Anyway, I hope this is of medical interest to you my blogging friends. And, if I get arrested, I'll have my husband post to let you know what's going on and that I'm thinking of you.

Love,
Band-Babe

Full Frontal Nudity

Went to my second post op appointment yesterday. I'm down TEN pounds from last weeks post op weight. We ended up taking only one drain out, because the other is still draining active bleeding, more than 50 cc's per day. So, I'm going to watch it daily, and the second it stops, I'm going to pull it myself. I did make an appointment for a third post op check for next Wednesday. We brought the camera for pictures, and Mr. W took one picture as I was taking off my dressings... it has full nude cha cha'ness. I'm looking down, so you can't see my face. But, I'm not sure where the line is legally for posting naked blog pictures. I obviously don't care about what's in good taste or not, I just don't want the FBI at my door. In the midst of drain pulling, and me bleeding all over the doctor's amazingly starched shirt, and having to be the learning model for his new PA, we completely forgot to take any other pictures. The ten pounds of water weight off really shows, so I'm kinda bummed to not have non-dressing pics of it.

So, not only am I into posting porn on my blog, I'm a big CHEATER. We have this summer slim down program at work, and I usually do not participate in these kinds of activities for an assortment of weird-me reasons. However, yesterday, the usual group of weight loss at work joiners approached me to be on their team. This time I said "yes". Why? Because I know I have all this water weight on! Yesterday, I weighed 179 lbs, so I put that down, knowing FULL well I still have about ten more pounds of water weight to come off. Plus, I'm still eating to lose weight calorie wise, sooooo... you KNOW you'd want a cheater like me on YOUR team. This morning I was at 176 lbs... three pounds in one day... that's the kind of intoxicating (yes, I KNOW unrealistic) weight loss that I LOVE to see.

Spontaneous:
I'm contemplating leaving work after lunch today, just because... well, I feel freezing cold and tired, so I'm not all that bad ass... but still...

Food:
Zone bar, Zone bar, chicken parmesan, maybe some popcorn. If I eat it all, it's 800 calories, and enough protein (not sure of the total, don't feel like checking it out). My band has been t.i.g.h.t! We went to out to lunch yesterday, and I got down two bites. I was being all cocky about leaving my surgeons office, and going straight to eat naughty food. I guess he actually (and unknowingly) got the last laugh, because I do not think two bites of anything counts as naughty. At all. Sigh. I love my band.

Sigh of relief!

Ahh. The scale said 179 this morning. I was peeing like a race horse all day yesterday, so I was hoping that all the diurising would show on the scale today. My weight still isn't where I think it should be, but it's headed in the right direction. Even though I KNOW what is and isn't reasonable, I'm still always holding out on the dramatic weight loss numbers. Blogging has opened my eyes to my impatience. Since I've started posting in the beginning of January, I'm down less than twenty pounds (technically more, but you already know how I feel about that). Slow is good. Slow is the right way to lose weight. It's silly for bandsters to even want anything different. Of course there's always a surge of major weight loss somewhere in the beginning of our band life, and it's intoxicating. But, not realistic. And not indicative of permanent weight loss.

Drains should come out in just a few hours. One step closer to sexy hotness. Or non-deformity, anyway! Hooray. I thought I'd be so crazy happy about shopping at this point. I actually feel the exact same. I look VERY different, that's for sure. But, I FEEL the same. I'm thinking that's actually a good thing.

Spontaneous:
Dunno. Just trying to get back to my regular format. That sounds unspontaneous, but I like my old format, it's helpful to me.

Food:
Zone bar, cottage cheese, vanilla yogurt... 400 calories, 40 grams of protein. That's pretty good! And, Mr. W and I are going to go to lunch today. He has to go with me to my appointment because he's my dressing guy. My professional background leaves me meticulous about preventing post op infections. He's my right hand guy in that pursuit. Literally. And his reward? Lunch out with me! Wow, how worth it is THAT? I'll ask him...

Fry an egg on it

There has been some question as to whether I had skin work only, or an actual tummy tuck. My consent form at the hospital listed "skin only". I threw "tt" on one of the papers, because my surgeon kept talking about it that way. And, while I did NOT want the post op pain of an actual tummy tuck, part of me was worried that maybe it was better to tweak the muscles while they were there anyway. Well, now I have little doubt that is exactly how my surgeon saw things. We did an entire dressing change and binder washing last night. So, I was prancing around in just my underwear. My husband says "you could fry an egg on that thing". Meaning... my stomach is like iron... flat. My muscles are flat. On me, it almost looks unnatural. It is so completely obvious, I'd feel like an idiot for asking the surgeon. There's no reason to ask. Duh. Do you think?

That explains why I can't walk standing straight. Why I just stopped sleeping in our recliner lounger. Why I needed narcotics for two weeks for pain... it's a deep inside pain, muscle not skin. Why the thought of going without my binder for support is beyond scary. It's all adding up. The visual only confirmed it.

Good news... I'm at my pre op weight. 181 this morning. Still waiting for more swelling to go down so I can see the skin and fat loss on the scale. It's mine damn it, and I want to see it! Today I am wearing a dress I bought wishfully during the fall...now that I'm pooch free, I can wear anything I want. This is weird and wonderful.

DANGER! ALERT! ALERT!

I am so happy to be back at work. As much as I love having time off... it's dangerous to my health. Specifically, my weight! I have made it clear that I'm not dieting? But, I may not have made it clear that I'm not stupid (well, most of the time). Lots of time at home + a variety of chips and sweets in the pantry = unnecessary temptation. I discovered myself foraging for foods that had been staples in my pantry, that until this prolonged time at home, had absolutely no effect on me. I did fine calorie wise, not enough to gain, but definitely not enough to lose. And, I found myself falling into old and concerning snackiness. Watching television and eating snacks is a weighty combination. Today, my schedule and way of life are back to normal. I'm a good little eater when I'm at work! There's little temptation to make poor or excessive choices. When I get home tonight, I will be too busy to watch tv and eat junk. Just in case, I disposed of any and all foods that might call to me in a snacky way. I think that you can take the fat off of the girl, but she's still a fat girl. This is something I am going to have to watch for the rest of my life. I'm grateful for the help of my band, but I'm still me. A much improved version of me... physcially. And, mentally... I'm also much better. I'm recognizing more, and trying to be honest about what I'm doing in order to get a realistic grip on this weight issue for the rest of my life. I'm really happy to have this sense of control physically and emotionally. I AM doing this!

Hunch Back

I can't stand up straight yet. But, I still love these pictures! My daughter looked so beautiful last night... life is so amazing sometimes. It was really important for her to have these memories. I had to encourage her to go and that she would regret not having lived this moment of her life. She's trying to be all practical, which is necessary and good, but so is living your life to it's fullest and having no regrets. She and her boyfriend have some early obstacles, but to me that means they need to be extra careful to live life to the maximum. Last night was fabulous all the way around.

Back to my hunch back status...two steps forward, one step back is where I'm at recovery wise after my tummy tuck. I go back to work tomorrow. Not sure if it's time... but not much choice. Drains should come out on Wednesday. I'm still wearing my binder, and am keeping my incisions dressed. Narcotics are not needed as much... I'm truly relieved my doctor took this pain seriously. The thought of having to white knuckle it this week was more depressing than I want to explain. Doctors here are so afraid of prescription drug abuse, that many of them let true pain go rampant. That is exactly what happened with my Fibromyalgia, so I've got some "issues" about that. This is turning out well, though. I know I keep mentioning it, but it is surreal to be where I'm at in this process. I'm still trying to process it.

Today, we have snow again. WTF? We've got amazing pizza as leftovers, and we're just going to watch movies in our pj's and snack all day. Have I mentioned that I love my band? Lately? I can't even eat an entire piece of this heavenly concoction of Italian delight... I'm so full and satisfied. Today is one of those days where I feel like life just doesn't get any better than this. The couch is calling me, and I think the fireplace is asking to be turned on, and there are several movies softly enticing me... even a hunch back girl can be happy...