Sex, Drugs, and Rock -n- Roll

Sex? Yes, please. Drugs? Hooray, my pain is under control! Rock -n- Roll? My husband surprised me with tickets to RATT!?!? It's even on a work night! I was definitely not into heavy metal as a teenager, however NOW I am unashamedly into ALL THINGS 80's. So, I'm actually excited! I'm sure the concert will be fun, but I'm mostly excited because I can go to it and not feel bad about myself. Right or wrong, when I was more overweight I would not have agreed to go to anything like this. But now... I'm excited about hair, make-up, clothes... and feel as if I can really LIVE life. Life is much better banded.

Better than Sex

Just as a refresher, before my abdominoplasty, I had this dream where my fill appointments did not involve ports or saline. Not the greatest thing in the world to have a sex dream about your surgeon. Anyway, so I analyzed and analyzed this dream so I could rationalize it in my brain, and figure out what my little mind was actually thinking. At the time, I settled on the analysis that it was fulfillment I was looking for from him... thinness and tummy tuck. Well, now I REALLY get what it meant... my surgeon gives me what I NEED... narcotics!

He took my pain seriously! BETTER THAN SEX. Well, for the moment anyway. I'm on a quarter of a baby dose, spaced really far apart, but taking that edge off makes all the difference in the world. I don't get a high or anything, and I can still feel discomfort, but NO burning pain. He didn't even blink an eye when I told him pain was still a huge issue for me at this point post operatively. So, if you asked me if I was sorry about my TT today... I would say "no". It's all in the pain relief.

Ok, love you all... I've got lots of work to do... (no, I do not blog ALL day long)... XOXO

Am I sorry?

Am I sorry about getting my tummy tuck? Right this exact second- yes. I've always considered myself as someone with a high threshold for pain. But this chronic pain is going to drive me nuts. Right now, I'd much rather deal with flappity flap flapper than this pain. I KNOW I'm going to change my mind about being sorry as soon as I'm back to normal, but right now I am miserable, and just thought I'd spread the misery.

My three week follow up appointment is this afternoon. Incision sites look good, scabbing coming off, no s/s infection. Still lots of "seroma". Lots. And then a little more. There are a few reinforcement stitches that need to be pulled. Did I mention I'm still in pain?

Moving on to real life... I am in the midst of baby shower planning for my daughter. I love parties. I was hoping to be in my skinny jeans by then, but unless there is an un-swelling miracle, I will be in my fat jeans. My daughter laughed at me the other day because I called my current jeans my fat jeans... what a joke compared to even one year ago. AND, she brought me up a pair of HER old jeans, because she "doesn't like the way the fabric feels". But, the point is... my daughter THINKS I can wear HER jeans. Secret confession- I can't fit into them. Not at all. I did the one thigh try-on (you KNOW what I'm talking about), and it was a definite no-go. When I'm healed more, I plan on trying a good old fashioned jeans cram-in on the bed (you also KNOW what I'm talking about here, too!?!)... laying down to wiggle them on, then zipping them up while sucking in as much as possible, then trying to get off of the bed, and then praying you do not have to pee for the next 12 hours.

I would be so happy if I could meet my skinny jeans goal. But, you know what? I have NOT met one single weight goal by my goal DATE. BUT, BUT... I still have met them ALL! Every single one so far. I (we?) push myself so hard with these timeframes and expectations... and that is lame. I think alot lately about Gen's first SOB spotlight on Judi... and how she took two years to lose her weight. I believe she has it right. Two years means she enjoyed birthdays, and vacations, and weekends, and LIFE. AND SHE STILL LOST ALL OF HER WEIGHT. That is truly a lesson for me.

Send good ju ju for my appointment this afternoon. And, for my poor doctor who currently has no clue about how his afternoon is shaping up... :)

Oh, and that picture to the left

Gray shirt. I thought it really showed the tummy swelling well. Ugh. That's a little under 10 lbs of drainage and fluid being held in by... stitches...

More Fatism

Since I just showed up un-announced at my PCP's office yesterday morning, I ended up seeing a doctor I had never seen before. Good doctor. But, I couldn't help but to notice that he made eye contact with me, listened attentively, and genuinely seemed to care about my pain and helping me to get better. Here's my question: Do doctors really treat thin people better? Is it that I'm more confident? I definitely was not going to take "no" for an answer. But before I even started in, everything was different with this visit. I have to tell you, when I was really sick a couple of years ago (and at almost 300 lbs), I was so frustrated because I felt like no one was listening! Now, at 176 lbs (and sitting there in my red bra and panties... that was just for you Draz...)- I for 100% absolute certain got MUCH better treatment. I'm preaching to the choir. I know, I know....studies about this... yada yada yada. But it still pisses me off. I hope I'm not a fatist. I seriously want to go up to overweight women who look miserable, and tell them there is a way out! I am so grateful to be where I'm at.

Ten seconds in heaven...

No, not that. For heaven's sake. So, yesterday, for mothers day... my five year old son agreed to give me a ten second hug... and I got to be the counter!!! I am a lucky, lucky woman.

Other than that? Not too much. I'm in burning pain from my Fibromyalgia. I drove straight to my doctor's office this morning. No appointment or anything. I can NOT white knuckle this again. Right now I have the energy to fight.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day!

UNHOLY

That would be the best word to describe my thoughts about Robert Downey Jr. Went to see Iron Man last night, solely for a two hour dose of his bad boyness. Wasn't expecting the bad boyness that is Mickey Rourke. Maybe it was the accent? Maybe I'm just really a freak? And when did old men become so HOT? I realized it was probably when I became an old woman. A dirty old woman...

Hay fever = muscles I never knew I had. Help! I need the sneezing to STOP. I am of course a multiple sneezer, and after every round, I feel like I've done 100 sit ups. At minimum. Mr. W and I went to b-fast this morning, I of course had my obligatory (but delicious) two bites, and he had the rest. I was discusting at breakfast because I started my sneezing fits, and I instinctively grab my abdominals, instead of covering my sneeze... get the picture? Gross. After one sneezing fit, hubby asks "1600 sit ups?". Pretty close. Sorry about the egg everywhere...

I'm not wearing dressings or my binder today. It's a weird and wonderful feeling. I can't get past looking down at flat abs. There's still some swelling, and I still have little love handles... but I WILL TAKE IT. It's so much better than where I was a year ago. Truly unreal for me in many ways. Night and day difference in my opinion. I don't even mind the scarring. The whole area was already really bad, and now I don't have to announce it to the world all day long and everywhere I go. Well, except on my blog.

Gotta go. Lots to do. Trying to get rid of the kids tonight... RDJ and MR on the brain... Mr W gets the benefit... who needs a costume to be WW???