I still don't know what I really want to do with my life, but whatever it is, I am 100% certain it will involve glittery eyeshadow every day.
Yea, so we went to see Burlesque tonight. Writing and acting, not so hot. Makeup, wardrobe, men, and music were burning up the place.
My husband informed me that he gets to pick the next movie we see. I need to keep thinking about day job options that require glitter...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
What I Ate for Thanksgiving
Morning: Coffee and Diet Pepsi
1pm: Zone Bar (tummy wasn't hungry, but I started getting grouchy and a headache)
4pm- 9pm: Turkey & gravy, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, roll, three glasses of wine. I couldn't finish my plate (wine really filled me up), and I haven't gotten to the pumpkin and pecan pies with real homemade whipped cream. Maybe for breakfast.
Have I ever told you that I love my band?
THANKSGIVING EDITION- What I Ate (in Pictures)
Most of us have started preparation for todays feast at least yesterday, if not days ago. The thoughts of your menus that you've shared this week were running through my head as I woke up to start some early prep work this morning. My mind of course went to enjoying our own traditional meal, and of course I then thought about if I'm making WAY too much, because I know how little I will personally eat. Previously, if there was a dish that was less popular, no problem! I loved it ALL! I still love it all, but only about a spoonful or two.
Here's the PICTURES part... I would love to see pictures of YOUR Thanksgiving meal, AND I thought it would be funny for some, and helpful for others, if we took pics of our own personal plates and food through this particularly glutonous day to see how LITTLE we actually ate. Ok, I'm doing it... and if anyone else is blogging on Thanksgiving... please join me?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING SKINNY BITCHES!!!
Here's the PICTURES part... I would love to see pictures of YOUR Thanksgiving meal, AND I thought it would be funny for some, and helpful for others, if we took pics of our own personal plates and food through this particularly glutonous day to see how LITTLE we actually ate. Ok, I'm doing it... and if anyone else is blogging on Thanksgiving... please join me?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING SKINNY BITCHES!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Just Luck? Or is it Love?
The storm has passed, I'm home with power, not baking until later, and have lots of computer time.
So, I'm reading this article in CNN about a Microsoft executive who quit her job to join the circus. She couldn't stand one more meeting where people got yelled at, which isn't the exact problem I have with the corporate world. This lucky woman quit her job, discovered aerial arts (think Cirque de Soleil), and opened a studio where she has created not only a new creative career for herself, but also a little community of women who share her passion. If I had the guts, I'd quit my job and do something creative. Did she succeed by luck? That's what I need to know. If I saw a way out, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But do you SEE it and do it, or just DO it? She just did it. It's her life, and she did what she loved. I always tell my children to just do what they love. I have a good job, I do not loathe going to work, but is it what I want my life to be about? I have career goals I'm following and succeeding at, but is it passion? No. Do I need luck? No? I don't know!
Of course I'm going to bring this back around to the subject of my band. A friend asked me this week, if maybe I was successful with my band just because of luck? Maybe some people lose weight through WLS and others do not, by factors outside of their control? I'll admit I didn't see that question coming. My gut instinct is, no! I have put in reasonable effort. I've tried to approach this completely differently than any other weight loss I've had, because it would be silly to pursue this in a way I already knew didn't work. By band standards, I was a poor candidate for the lapband because I'm a grazer. I knew this pre-surgically, but felt I could make it work anyway. And I think 130 pounds lost is a band success. And not luck.
Can you guess where I'm going with this now? I lost weight because it's MY life, and I wanted to live it on MY terms. So, how do I do this in other areas of my life, specifically with my career? I've thought about this for a very long time, it's not just a fleeting fantasy. Would I fail if I wasn't lucky? Would it take luck to figure out what I would want to do? This aerial artist quit her job, THEN found her passion. I don't know if I'm confident enough, brave enough, fed up enough, lucky enough?
What does it take? I don't have words to describe how I worked with my band. If I did, I suppose I could write a book, and that could be my creative passion. I feel my band worked because of me, and not some random lucky force. I know everyone has a deep desire to have their bands work for them, so it's not just because I "wanted" it more than any one else. Does it have to do with love? Doing what I love for myself, approaching food in a way I never have before? Can I do what I love in all areas of my life? I had to dig deep inside for my band to work, it was not just external forces. I "want" to do this in a bigger way now. I don't know how, where, what, or when... but I do know why. For passion and love, not luck.
So, I'm reading this article in CNN about a Microsoft executive who quit her job to join the circus. She couldn't stand one more meeting where people got yelled at, which isn't the exact problem I have with the corporate world. This lucky woman quit her job, discovered aerial arts (think Cirque de Soleil), and opened a studio where she has created not only a new creative career for herself, but also a little community of women who share her passion. If I had the guts, I'd quit my job and do something creative. Did she succeed by luck? That's what I need to know. If I saw a way out, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But do you SEE it and do it, or just DO it? She just did it. It's her life, and she did what she loved. I always tell my children to just do what they love. I have a good job, I do not loathe going to work, but is it what I want my life to be about? I have career goals I'm following and succeeding at, but is it passion? No. Do I need luck? No? I don't know!
Of course I'm going to bring this back around to the subject of my band. A friend asked me this week, if maybe I was successful with my band just because of luck? Maybe some people lose weight through WLS and others do not, by factors outside of their control? I'll admit I didn't see that question coming. My gut instinct is, no! I have put in reasonable effort. I've tried to approach this completely differently than any other weight loss I've had, because it would be silly to pursue this in a way I already knew didn't work. By band standards, I was a poor candidate for the lapband because I'm a grazer. I knew this pre-surgically, but felt I could make it work anyway. And I think 130 pounds lost is a band success. And not luck.
Can you guess where I'm going with this now? I lost weight because it's MY life, and I wanted to live it on MY terms. So, how do I do this in other areas of my life, specifically with my career? I've thought about this for a very long time, it's not just a fleeting fantasy. Would I fail if I wasn't lucky? Would it take luck to figure out what I would want to do? This aerial artist quit her job, THEN found her passion. I don't know if I'm confident enough, brave enough, fed up enough, lucky enough?
What does it take? I don't have words to describe how I worked with my band. If I did, I suppose I could write a book, and that could be my creative passion. I feel my band worked because of me, and not some random lucky force. I know everyone has a deep desire to have their bands work for them, so it's not just because I "wanted" it more than any one else. Does it have to do with love? Doing what I love for myself, approaching food in a way I never have before? Can I do what I love in all areas of my life? I had to dig deep inside for my band to work, it was not just external forces. I "want" to do this in a bigger way now. I don't know how, where, what, or when... but I do know why. For passion and love, not luck.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Snowed in!!!
Everyone thinks Utah is all snowy, and it is in the mountains. However, I live in the valley where we do get snow... but not like this! We're getting pounded with the storm that's already hit Washington, Oregon, and Idaho. We went home early, schools and businesses are already closed for tomorrow. It's nuts.
My son and his fiance could not be talked out of their attempt to drive down from Idaho tonight. They figured it would be better to be snowed in here (lots of good free food). I'm terribly nervous for them, but they're only about half an hour from our home now, so fingers crossed.
Fire has been started... we had a snow storm over the weekend that knocked out power all over (not us luckily), but this storm is bringing zero degree temperatures... a bad time to have no heat. So, we'll just keep the fire burning, which is so cozy, and while everything is safe makes the situation kind of magical. (That, and the lit Christmas tree... so much for being all bummed about the holidays...).
If we lose power for long, we'll put all of our perishable food outside in the freezing cold. I hope we can cook on Thanksgiving, and I think we will be fine by then. It's amazing how much in life revolves around food. Even though we loaded up for Thursday, we went and did it AGAIN for the storm. There's just something about the whole scene that doesn't seem right without a bunch of comfort food. And, for once... it does feel right.
Happy Thanksgiving if I don't get another chance before Thursday!
My son and his fiance could not be talked out of their attempt to drive down from Idaho tonight. They figured it would be better to be snowed in here (lots of good free food). I'm terribly nervous for them, but they're only about half an hour from our home now, so fingers crossed.
Fire has been started... we had a snow storm over the weekend that knocked out power all over (not us luckily), but this storm is bringing zero degree temperatures... a bad time to have no heat. So, we'll just keep the fire burning, which is so cozy, and while everything is safe makes the situation kind of magical. (That, and the lit Christmas tree... so much for being all bummed about the holidays...).
If we lose power for long, we'll put all of our perishable food outside in the freezing cold. I hope we can cook on Thanksgiving, and I think we will be fine by then. It's amazing how much in life revolves around food. Even though we loaded up for Thursday, we went and did it AGAIN for the storm. There's just something about the whole scene that doesn't seem right without a bunch of comfort food. And, for once... it does feel right.
Happy Thanksgiving if I don't get another chance before Thursday!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Progress Pics
The four top pictures to the left are of eleven months progress. In that time, I have only lost 30 of my 130 lbs lost. I didn't on purpose take any pictures until I was below 200 lbs. I think these may even be more dramatic than the rogue pictures that were snapped between 299 and 200 lbs. I pretty much just looked fat, fat, or fatter and/or miserable, miserable, or more miserable.
This fireplace progression series of pictures- I think there's evidence of weight loss, but also of happiness. I'm keeping them to the side and at the top, so I can have this visual reminder of my journey. Sometimes I forget so easily the lessons I've learned, and the changes I've made are permanent. I've worked hard to discover the ways that will work for me to keep a realistic weight for the rest of my life. There was no point in losing weight, if I thought there was a chance I'd just regain it all back. I had been there and done that (cough *running* cough)- and I need to rely just on my diet to stay at my weight. Exercise would put me in much smaller sizes (and much lower weight)- but that kind of regimen comes and goes depending on schedule, weather, illness- too many variables to include it as a staple in my long term success plan.
I really love how my band has been a tool in re-educating my brain to create a much healthier relationship with food. I'm not a health nut, but I also don't abuse food, or have a weird relationship with it. I don't ever remember being hungry pre-band. Ever. I ate way too much for that to happen. Now, I eat when I'm hungry (which can take a while as any sweetspot bandster can tell you)- but it's a real tummy rumbling, true hunger- something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I eat what I love, because I can keep doing that forever. I don't fight my natural eating rhthyms- I eat most of my calories at night. I don't have the emotional energy to fight myself or my body.
Coming to peace with food is the best gift I've ever been given. I didn't realize that would happen when I first got my band. I grieved for food so badly my first month after surgery. GRIEVED. Then, I was afraid of what I might still be able to do to myself, even with the band. That's where I was when the first of these pictures was taken. Now, I'm at a place where if I eat alot because the situation presents itself, I know it's a normal situation. If I were to gain a little, I know I can lose a little. I've maintained now really since spring, minust a few pounds.
I think about running, or hcg, or other methods to get down to like 150 lbs and a size 8, and maybe one day I'll do that. Today's not that day. If I were to stay where I am for the rest of my life, the majority of days I will honestly say that is perfectly fine with me. And, if I keep my eyes on these pictures, I can see on my body and face the story of the lessons I've learned, and keep them in my brain, heart and life forever.
This fireplace progression series of pictures- I think there's evidence of weight loss, but also of happiness. I'm keeping them to the side and at the top, so I can have this visual reminder of my journey. Sometimes I forget so easily the lessons I've learned, and the changes I've made are permanent. I've worked hard to discover the ways that will work for me to keep a realistic weight for the rest of my life. There was no point in losing weight, if I thought there was a chance I'd just regain it all back. I had been there and done that (cough *running* cough)- and I need to rely just on my diet to stay at my weight. Exercise would put me in much smaller sizes (and much lower weight)- but that kind of regimen comes and goes depending on schedule, weather, illness- too many variables to include it as a staple in my long term success plan.
I really love how my band has been a tool in re-educating my brain to create a much healthier relationship with food. I'm not a health nut, but I also don't abuse food, or have a weird relationship with it. I don't ever remember being hungry pre-band. Ever. I ate way too much for that to happen. Now, I eat when I'm hungry (which can take a while as any sweetspot bandster can tell you)- but it's a real tummy rumbling, true hunger- something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I eat what I love, because I can keep doing that forever. I don't fight my natural eating rhthyms- I eat most of my calories at night. I don't have the emotional energy to fight myself or my body.
Coming to peace with food is the best gift I've ever been given. I didn't realize that would happen when I first got my band. I grieved for food so badly my first month after surgery. GRIEVED. Then, I was afraid of what I might still be able to do to myself, even with the band. That's where I was when the first of these pictures was taken. Now, I'm at a place where if I eat alot because the situation presents itself, I know it's a normal situation. If I were to gain a little, I know I can lose a little. I've maintained now really since spring, minust a few pounds.
I think about running, or hcg, or other methods to get down to like 150 lbs and a size 8, and maybe one day I'll do that. Today's not that day. If I were to stay where I am for the rest of my life, the majority of days I will honestly say that is perfectly fine with me. And, if I keep my eyes on these pictures, I can see on my body and face the story of the lessons I've learned, and keep them in my brain, heart and life forever.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
"Happy Events Will Take Place Shortly In Your Home"
"Happy Events Will Take Place Shortly In Your Home"... said my fortune cookie. And since I'm so mature, I skipped adding "in bed". Please tell me we're not the only people who do that? Anyway, I'm a believer in fortune cookie karma, so I'm taking it as a sign. I went shopping today and bought everything needed for our traditional Thanksgiving. I'm passing on going to any extended family events, however my son and his fiance and son will be with us through next Monday, and we're planning on a very relaxed time. I can handle that, it might even be fun.
Lots of good things are happening. Thank you for not making me feel like a holiday hater, and for your sincere and thoughtful comments. I was really relieved to see that women I have the utmost respect for also had similar feelings. Not that I want anyone to be sad, but there is comfort in knowing I'm not alone.
Our son starts his new school on Monday- and since it's an off time of the year... I was able to get uniforms dirt cheap. His shirts cost me $1.98 a piece. A good buy like that does wonders to bring me cheer (sad but true!).
I didn't freak out at work this week about a big project that's getting crazy. Does anyone else have "Friday Fires" at their job? I always seem to get something imperative on Friday afternoons, so much so that I've given the phenomenon a name. There was a big hurdle we discovered yesterday afternoon, and I honestly thought to myself that all I can do is my part, and I didn't let it make me sick. I hope I can keep remembering to do that! But, it's only a three day work week coming up, so I'll just keep my eyes on the prize...
And... total fun... I get to go for appetizers and wine on Monday night with my new lapband friend from work. She reads lots about relationships with food, and I'm excited for her to share what she's learned. I hope she's not self concious about food around me, because I've had other friends be that way, and I'm the last person who will criticize what someone eats. We were hooked up my the bariatric nurse at our insurance company, and I was billed as a "success"... however you want to define that. Sometimes I feel like one (because I want to enjoy my chubbiness), but mostly I just feel like the same girl I've always been on the inside. I have nothing profound to share with anyone about weight loss, but I have been there and I can be an open ear and heart while she figures out her own journey. I'm happy to be there if that will be helpful for her.
The "what I eat" posts have been great! That's the kind of reading I like! Here's "what I ate" today:
iced coffee (300 calories)
french bread and olive oil (ripped off the bread, didn't measure the oo)
half a grilled New York strip
peanut butter (yes on a spoon, this is a new thing for me, don't know why)
diet pepsi (lots)
devoid of fruits and veggies (but I swear I'm a healthier eater during the week)
Tomorrow we're going to a fundraiser for our friends son who was diagnosed about a month ago with terminal cancer. So so sad. I agree with "time heals all wounds", but until you've been through it, it doesn't seem possible. The wounds feel fresh for a very long time. We'll do our best to be supportive, even if just by money.
But, I am in a much better place than I was. Hopefully I'll stay here for awhile. Thanks for your insight and wisdom, life is better with friends who understand... about everything.
Lots of good things are happening. Thank you for not making me feel like a holiday hater, and for your sincere and thoughtful comments. I was really relieved to see that women I have the utmost respect for also had similar feelings. Not that I want anyone to be sad, but there is comfort in knowing I'm not alone.
Our son starts his new school on Monday- and since it's an off time of the year... I was able to get uniforms dirt cheap. His shirts cost me $1.98 a piece. A good buy like that does wonders to bring me cheer (sad but true!).
I didn't freak out at work this week about a big project that's getting crazy. Does anyone else have "Friday Fires" at their job? I always seem to get something imperative on Friday afternoons, so much so that I've given the phenomenon a name. There was a big hurdle we discovered yesterday afternoon, and I honestly thought to myself that all I can do is my part, and I didn't let it make me sick. I hope I can keep remembering to do that! But, it's only a three day work week coming up, so I'll just keep my eyes on the prize...
And... total fun... I get to go for appetizers and wine on Monday night with my new lapband friend from work. She reads lots about relationships with food, and I'm excited for her to share what she's learned. I hope she's not self concious about food around me, because I've had other friends be that way, and I'm the last person who will criticize what someone eats. We were hooked up my the bariatric nurse at our insurance company, and I was billed as a "success"... however you want to define that. Sometimes I feel like one (because I want to enjoy my chubbiness), but mostly I just feel like the same girl I've always been on the inside. I have nothing profound to share with anyone about weight loss, but I have been there and I can be an open ear and heart while she figures out her own journey. I'm happy to be there if that will be helpful for her.
The "what I eat" posts have been great! That's the kind of reading I like! Here's "what I ate" today:
iced coffee (300 calories)
french bread and olive oil (ripped off the bread, didn't measure the oo)
half a grilled New York strip
peanut butter (yes on a spoon, this is a new thing for me, don't know why)
diet pepsi (lots)
devoid of fruits and veggies (but I swear I'm a healthier eater during the week)
Tomorrow we're going to a fundraiser for our friends son who was diagnosed about a month ago with terminal cancer. So so sad. I agree with "time heals all wounds", but until you've been through it, it doesn't seem possible. The wounds feel fresh for a very long time. We'll do our best to be supportive, even if just by money.
But, I am in a much better place than I was. Hopefully I'll stay here for awhile. Thanks for your insight and wisdom, life is better with friends who understand... about everything.
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