Progress Pics

The four top pictures to the left are of eleven months progress. In that time, I have only lost 30 of my 130 lbs lost. I didn't on purpose take any pictures until I was below 200 lbs. I think these may even be more dramatic than the rogue pictures that were snapped between 299 and 200 lbs. I pretty much just looked fat, fat, or fatter and/or miserable, miserable, or more miserable.

This fireplace progression series of pictures- I think there's evidence of weight loss, but also of happiness. I'm keeping them to the side and at the top, so I can have this visual reminder of my journey. Sometimes I forget so easily the lessons I've learned, and the changes I've made are permanent. I've worked hard to discover the ways that will work for me to keep a realistic weight for the rest of my life. There was no point in losing weight, if I thought there was a chance I'd just regain it all back. I had been there and done that (cough *running* cough)- and I need to rely just on my diet to stay at my weight. Exercise would put me in much smaller sizes (and much lower weight)- but that kind of regimen comes and goes depending on schedule, weather, illness- too many variables to include it as a staple in my long term success plan.

I really love how my band has been a tool in re-educating my brain to create a much healthier relationship with food. I'm not a health nut, but I also don't abuse food, or have a weird relationship with it. I don't ever remember being hungry pre-band. Ever. I ate way too much for that to happen. Now, I eat when I'm hungry (which can take a while as any sweetspot bandster can tell you)- but it's a real tummy rumbling, true hunger- something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I eat what I love, because I can keep doing that forever. I don't fight my natural eating rhthyms- I eat most of my calories at night. I don't have the emotional energy to fight myself or my body.

Coming to peace with food is the best gift I've ever been given. I didn't realize that would happen when I first got my band. I grieved for food so badly my first month after surgery. GRIEVED. Then, I was afraid of what I might still be able to do to myself, even with the band. That's where I was when the first of these pictures was taken. Now, I'm at a place where if I eat alot because the situation presents itself, I know it's a normal situation. If I were to gain a little, I know I can lose a little. I've maintained now really since spring, minust a few pounds.

I think about running, or hcg, or other methods to get down to like 150 lbs and a size 8, and maybe one day I'll do that. Today's not that day. If I were to stay where I am for the rest of my life, the majority of days I will honestly say that is perfectly fine with me. And, if I keep my eyes on these pictures, I can see on my body and face the story of the lessons I've learned, and keep them in my brain, heart and life forever.