Sometimes it is so relieving to be back at work, and doing the daily "thing". I'm one that doesn't always enjoy time off. I do, but I don't. I get very lazy... stay up too late, sleep in too long. And I eat... it's what we "do" for fun. That hasn't changed much, for better or for worse. Today, I was fully back in the swing of things, and it felt really good.
And good news... I think the weight gain alert may have been a false alarm. My non-negotiating scale read my normal high this morning, and if it reads similarly tomorrow, I'm calling it a "no gain". It's funny, I'll take a low weight and own it forever, but not a high weight! No way, no how!
My husband, and daughter, and you guys (gals) have been so supportive about this family situation. I guess my sons fiance posted on her Facebook status that she was "glad to be home and away from psychos". My daughter (who amazes me with her ability to find the good in everyone)- called to let me know that she refrained from responding. If I had responded (which I also would not do)- I would have said, "I know you feel!!!". Sigh.
I'm relieved to have my life back. My schedule is normal, my diet is back to normal, and my home is once again my own.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
My Side of the Story
Ack! I think I gained weight! I won't call it a gain until I get two bummer weights in a row... but I think I may have gained a pound. Maybe a pound and a half. And I don't care (that much). Being back to our normal daily routine will get me on track with eating. I'm not thrilled if I put on some weight, but I am happy that I haven't started the "well, f*ck it, I'm just going to give up completely" mentality I used to have. Whew.
I figured out today that I'm not upset by what happened this weekend, I'm just upset by how I handled myself in the situation. Mr W calls me "Mt. Saint Lara", because I keep everything calm for a really long time, but when I blow... watch the hell out. I should have been more up front about the things that were bothering me during the visit, instead of bottling it all up. Here's my laundry list:
The ambien thing really ticked me off, especially because my son was comparing me to his father, who is truly an addict (I've already explained how and why about my meds, so I'll spare a repeat). He stuck to his idiocracy despite knowing how careful I am about everything in my life. If I ever get into a car, or do something life threatening... I will stop taking the medicine. However, I most likely will need it forever (he's calling me "dependent"... no fucking duh, but I will do what I need to within reason to be able to work and have any sort of quality of life). Damn it, he should know me better!!! I should not have to defend this.
And now (drum roll)... moving on to the fiance. THIS IS JUST MY SIDE OF THE STORY. This is completely unfair, because she is not able to defend herself here. I don't like talking about people behind their back, it usually doesn't end well for anyone. But, this is my blog, my therapy... so I'm going to say what I think and feel. May god have mercy on my soul...
This is coming from a crazy woman (so I would know)... but she's a crazy woman (girl). On Thanksgiving, I of course had tons of things going on, and I asked everyone to pick up their stuff in our upstairs family room, so everything could be nice for our dinner. She was very put out that I asked her to pick up her own stuff, and starting huffing and slamming things around. I was a little shocked.
Later in the weekend, her son wet the bed (that happens), but she let it sit until the AFTERNOON when I finally ordered my son to get it cleaned up. She also left poopy underwear in the downstairs guest bathroom (more than once), and again, I had to ask my son to please take care of it because the entire basement was smelling. What is wrong with someone to think living like that is ok, much less while a guest in someone's home?
Plus, she's really mean to my son, I see him doing everything, and her complaining about how he's doing it. She's a yeller, and there is no yelling in our house- it's trashy and not effective anyway. It makes me sad and I wonder what in his life lead him to think that being treated this way is acceptable.
But the straw that broke this camels back, is that she was yelling at my six year old. My husband and I went out Friday and Saturday nights, and my daughter was watching her little brother until we got home (and then she could go out, we pay her a small fortune). Anyway, she asked to speak with me alone on Friday night, because she was really upset about the way my son's fiance was yelling at my youngest son. I took my oldest son aside and asked him what was going on. Blah blah blah. Obviously, I should have spoken with her directly. Well, last night... I was trying to let things go (as I had the entire holiday)... until she yelled at my six year old and made him cry.
Wrong move. Make my kid cry, and it's done. Really done. As in do not treat either of my sons that way, ever again. Needless to say, they left and got a hotel room for the night. And, I did not stop them. I feel horrible, and I know I've alienated my oldest. My husband keeps trying to say things to make it better. But, nothing justifies what I said. I told my son to "f" off. I should never have said that to my child, no matter how right I was (or wasn't). But I was right.
I guess I'm the cliche m-i-l from hell. I never in a million years imagined it would be this way. I've always liked his girlfriends, and we've all gotten along so well. I don't understand this relationship at all. And I want my door to be open to him, because I'm worried that he won't turn to me if he decides he needs someone.
There you have it.
I figured out today that I'm not upset by what happened this weekend, I'm just upset by how I handled myself in the situation. Mr W calls me "Mt. Saint Lara", because I keep everything calm for a really long time, but when I blow... watch the hell out. I should have been more up front about the things that were bothering me during the visit, instead of bottling it all up. Here's my laundry list:
The ambien thing really ticked me off, especially because my son was comparing me to his father, who is truly an addict (I've already explained how and why about my meds, so I'll spare a repeat). He stuck to his idiocracy despite knowing how careful I am about everything in my life. If I ever get into a car, or do something life threatening... I will stop taking the medicine. However, I most likely will need it forever (he's calling me "dependent"... no fucking duh, but I will do what I need to within reason to be able to work and have any sort of quality of life). Damn it, he should know me better!!! I should not have to defend this.
And now (drum roll)... moving on to the fiance. THIS IS JUST MY SIDE OF THE STORY. This is completely unfair, because she is not able to defend herself here. I don't like talking about people behind their back, it usually doesn't end well for anyone. But, this is my blog, my therapy... so I'm going to say what I think and feel. May god have mercy on my soul...
This is coming from a crazy woman (so I would know)... but she's a crazy woman (girl). On Thanksgiving, I of course had tons of things going on, and I asked everyone to pick up their stuff in our upstairs family room, so everything could be nice for our dinner. She was very put out that I asked her to pick up her own stuff, and starting huffing and slamming things around. I was a little shocked.
Later in the weekend, her son wet the bed (that happens), but she let it sit until the AFTERNOON when I finally ordered my son to get it cleaned up. She also left poopy underwear in the downstairs guest bathroom (more than once), and again, I had to ask my son to please take care of it because the entire basement was smelling. What is wrong with someone to think living like that is ok, much less while a guest in someone's home?
Plus, she's really mean to my son, I see him doing everything, and her complaining about how he's doing it. She's a yeller, and there is no yelling in our house- it's trashy and not effective anyway. It makes me sad and I wonder what in his life lead him to think that being treated this way is acceptable.
But the straw that broke this camels back, is that she was yelling at my six year old. My husband and I went out Friday and Saturday nights, and my daughter was watching her little brother until we got home (and then she could go out, we pay her a small fortune). Anyway, she asked to speak with me alone on Friday night, because she was really upset about the way my son's fiance was yelling at my youngest son. I took my oldest son aside and asked him what was going on. Blah blah blah. Obviously, I should have spoken with her directly. Well, last night... I was trying to let things go (as I had the entire holiday)... until she yelled at my six year old and made him cry.
Wrong move. Make my kid cry, and it's done. Really done. As in do not treat either of my sons that way, ever again. Needless to say, they left and got a hotel room for the night. And, I did not stop them. I feel horrible, and I know I've alienated my oldest. My husband keeps trying to say things to make it better. But, nothing justifies what I said. I told my son to "f" off. I should never have said that to my child, no matter how right I was (or wasn't). But I was right.
I guess I'm the cliche m-i-l from hell. I never in a million years imagined it would be this way. I've always liked his girlfriends, and we've all gotten along so well. I don't understand this relationship at all. And I want my door to be open to him, because I'm worried that he won't turn to me if he decides he needs someone.
There you have it.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
$h*tF~qD@mit All to Hell
Baggage time. Weekend has ended, my struggles have not ended (with my son and now his fiance), and I really feel like shit inside. I've rationalized, looked for the best, and held my tongue and my peace as long as I could, but I could do it no longer this evening. I wish it were different. It makes me feel horrible about myself and everything. I don't know what I could have done differently.
Scratch all that. Mr. W just lived up to his title. Back history, as "crazy" as my childhood was, is how "normal" his was. But, he just sat me down (seriously, as I was finishing the first paragraph of this post)... and told me about many holidays in his family, that had the same exact arguments and endings. I guess we're just coming to a different dynamic in our lives as grandparents, adult children, grandchildren... all brand new roles.
I'm stress eating right now. Hard. It's a little different now... if something doesn't taste exactly as want it to, I throw it away. And my band get me full after a couple of bites. My brain is still trying, but I'm making emotional and physical progress. I'm recognizing what it is, allowing myself to do it because I know it's not going to end up all that big of a deal, and hopefully tomorrow I'll deal with everything a little better.
Is this just the universes tricky way of making me happy about my vacation time being over and ok with going back to work? Well, it worked. I'd also like to thank the universe for Mr. W, we may not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other. I love that man, and our son, and our life together. Tonight, I am grateful for that.
Scratch all that. Mr. W just lived up to his title. Back history, as "crazy" as my childhood was, is how "normal" his was. But, he just sat me down (seriously, as I was finishing the first paragraph of this post)... and told me about many holidays in his family, that had the same exact arguments and endings. I guess we're just coming to a different dynamic in our lives as grandparents, adult children, grandchildren... all brand new roles.
I'm stress eating right now. Hard. It's a little different now... if something doesn't taste exactly as want it to, I throw it away. And my band get me full after a couple of bites. My brain is still trying, but I'm making emotional and physical progress. I'm recognizing what it is, allowing myself to do it because I know it's not going to end up all that big of a deal, and hopefully tomorrow I'll deal with everything a little better.
Is this just the universes tricky way of making me happy about my vacation time being over and ok with going back to work? Well, it worked. I'd also like to thank the universe for Mr. W, we may not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other. I love that man, and our son, and our life together. Tonight, I am grateful for that.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Jack talk Thai?
Wellllllll, my restriction let up... tonight, just in time to go out for Thai food with my siblings and their spouses. Geez, I kept up with everyone. No problem. What's with this silly band? Maybe it was just the whole that was burned into my stomach from the heat/spice that was letting all the food through. Yum, completely worth every burning mouthful.
Where did this weekend go? Another snow storm coming in tomorrow. I'm trying to be a good Mimi by taking my two grandsons and my six year old to get pictures with Santa tomorrow. This Thanksgiving has been everything I wanted- good company, food, wine, movies, games. My son has become a wonderful adult. I'm proud of the mothering skills my daughter has. The "issues" have been at a minimum. Basically, I'm trying to better understand my daughter in law to be. And, my son is giving me a hard time about taking Ambien. The side effects can be funny, but also dangerous.
If I didn't have my Fibromyalgia, I would consider stopping. But no sleep equals lots of pain, and I don't want my life to come to a grinding halt. I tell my family every night when I've taken my medicine, I go to bed directly (I obviously get out sometimes, hence why I notify everyone), and I only take the prescribed amount. I appreciate his concern, but he's clueless about this disease. Actually, I heard his fiance trying to explain it to him, which was a good thing, because I've been struggling a little bit during this visit. Overhearing her standing up for me was very much appreciated.
The fantasy weekend is almost over (tear rolls down my cheek). And I'm going to have to jump back into my project on Monday (another tear rolls down my cheek). I wish I didn't have so much glittery eyeshadow on right now...
Where did this weekend go? Another snow storm coming in tomorrow. I'm trying to be a good Mimi by taking my two grandsons and my six year old to get pictures with Santa tomorrow. This Thanksgiving has been everything I wanted- good company, food, wine, movies, games. My son has become a wonderful adult. I'm proud of the mothering skills my daughter has. The "issues" have been at a minimum. Basically, I'm trying to better understand my daughter in law to be. And, my son is giving me a hard time about taking Ambien. The side effects can be funny, but also dangerous.
If I didn't have my Fibromyalgia, I would consider stopping. But no sleep equals lots of pain, and I don't want my life to come to a grinding halt. I tell my family every night when I've taken my medicine, I go to bed directly (I obviously get out sometimes, hence why I notify everyone), and I only take the prescribed amount. I appreciate his concern, but he's clueless about this disease. Actually, I heard his fiance trying to explain it to him, which was a good thing, because I've been struggling a little bit during this visit. Overhearing her standing up for me was very much appreciated.
The fantasy weekend is almost over (tear rolls down my cheek). And I'm going to have to jump back into my project on Monday (another tear rolls down my cheek). I wish I didn't have so much glittery eyeshadow on right now...
Friday, November 26, 2010
WANTED: Glittery Eyeshadow Every Day
I still don't know what I really want to do with my life, but whatever it is, I am 100% certain it will involve glittery eyeshadow every day.
Yea, so we went to see Burlesque tonight. Writing and acting, not so hot. Makeup, wardrobe, men, and music were burning up the place.
My husband informed me that he gets to pick the next movie we see. I need to keep thinking about day job options that require glitter...
Yea, so we went to see Burlesque tonight. Writing and acting, not so hot. Makeup, wardrobe, men, and music were burning up the place.
My husband informed me that he gets to pick the next movie we see. I need to keep thinking about day job options that require glitter...
Thursday, November 25, 2010
What I Ate for Thanksgiving
Morning: Coffee and Diet Pepsi
1pm: Zone Bar (tummy wasn't hungry, but I started getting grouchy and a headache)
4pm- 9pm: Turkey & gravy, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, roll, three glasses of wine. I couldn't finish my plate (wine really filled me up), and I haven't gotten to the pumpkin and pecan pies with real homemade whipped cream. Maybe for breakfast.
Have I ever told you that I love my band?
THANKSGIVING EDITION- What I Ate (in Pictures)
Most of us have started preparation for todays feast at least yesterday, if not days ago. The thoughts of your menus that you've shared this week were running through my head as I woke up to start some early prep work this morning. My mind of course went to enjoying our own traditional meal, and of course I then thought about if I'm making WAY too much, because I know how little I will personally eat. Previously, if there was a dish that was less popular, no problem! I loved it ALL! I still love it all, but only about a spoonful or two.
Here's the PICTURES part... I would love to see pictures of YOUR Thanksgiving meal, AND I thought it would be funny for some, and helpful for others, if we took pics of our own personal plates and food through this particularly glutonous day to see how LITTLE we actually ate. Ok, I'm doing it... and if anyone else is blogging on Thanksgiving... please join me?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING SKINNY BITCHES!!!
Here's the PICTURES part... I would love to see pictures of YOUR Thanksgiving meal, AND I thought it would be funny for some, and helpful for others, if we took pics of our own personal plates and food through this particularly glutonous day to see how LITTLE we actually ate. Ok, I'm doing it... and if anyone else is blogging on Thanksgiving... please join me?
HAPPY THANKSGIVING SKINNY BITCHES!!!
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