Baggage time. Weekend has ended, my struggles have not ended (with my son and now his fiance), and I really feel like shit inside. I've rationalized, looked for the best, and held my tongue and my peace as long as I could, but I could do it no longer this evening. I wish it were different. It makes me feel horrible about myself and everything. I don't know what I could have done differently.
Scratch all that. Mr. W just lived up to his title. Back history, as "crazy" as my childhood was, is how "normal" his was. But, he just sat me down (seriously, as I was finishing the first paragraph of this post)... and told me about many holidays in his family, that had the same exact arguments and endings. I guess we're just coming to a different dynamic in our lives as grandparents, adult children, grandchildren... all brand new roles.
I'm stress eating right now. Hard. It's a little different now... if something doesn't taste exactly as want it to, I throw it away. And my band get me full after a couple of bites. My brain is still trying, but I'm making emotional and physical progress. I'm recognizing what it is, allowing myself to do it because I know it's not going to end up all that big of a deal, and hopefully tomorrow I'll deal with everything a little better.
Is this just the universes tricky way of making me happy about my vacation time being over and ok with going back to work? Well, it worked. I'd also like to thank the universe for Mr. W, we may not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other. I love that man, and our son, and our life together. Tonight, I am grateful for that.
I hear ya about the grown up kid stuff. I couldn't keep my mouth shut a couple of times this year. Oh well, we're moms and we love our kids. My excuse is that I lost my mind for a couple of minutes! Good luck, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteLet me make you feel a little better about your family and your craziness there.....I have grown step children that I absolutely LOVE, but drive me crazy sometimes. One of them makes crazy life decisions one after the other, all at the cost of her children. The other makes somewhat better decisions, but has yet to settle down somewhere and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, whenever I have a moment where I can't not be quiet any more it is a lot more tense. First of all, I'm only the step parent. Second, they are 32, 27, 25, and 23 years old. And I'm 27, so it's not like I have their respect as an authority figure in their life. I just have to let a lot of what I feel go, and yes, bite my tongue. Sometimes I have a whole mouth full of blood from biting so hard!!! anyway, I hope you donned your glittery eyeshadow, and have a wonderful day at work!
ReplyDeleteUgh!!! So sorry for the stress. At least you're not doing too much damage with the Band eating.
ReplyDeleteTell us what happened...so some day when it happens with my girls and their fiances I know what to do. No regrets - your feelings are valid and I love you.
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