Friday, April 30, 2010

Because I WANT to!

My sister came over to visit yesterday. That is a rare treat because I work and she is a stay at home mom, so we hardly ever have good old fashioned, hang out, sister time. We live about three miles from each other, but sometimes you'd think it was three thousand miles. We're at very different points in our lives. Our challenges are at completely different places on the kid and life in genereal spectrum, but as sisters, some things are identical. We're the same brand of crazy (and I believe everyone is nuts!), so it's nice because I feel so normal when we're together!

She is running a 10K this weekend. It's an annual race in our city, and of course I've seen all the banners and ads for it. But, this odd feeling came over me when she mentioned to me she was running it this year. It wasn't jealousy... it was... longing? I've always been the runner in the family. Now I've got two sisters who are avid runners and the thought of them running, makes me really miss the awesome feeling of running. I have been struggling with trying to figure out why I'm not doing something that is good for me and that I actually like...

Two things come to mind. First, I did not want to rely on running to lose my weight. The weight loss needed to be something sustainable, not dependent on anything other than calories in. Secondly, I did not want exercise to be something on my "to do" list. I don't want it to be something I have to do... some specified amount of time or distance, and if I don't do it, than I've failed at that goal. I want to run because I want to run! For the way it makes me feel... endorphins... happy. No goal guilt. Just pleasure.

I will confess I do have ONE exercise goal... and that is to tone my arms. That is going to be next on my agenda. I always have to have something I'm working on. My arms are saggy, which I've never had previously. Improving the definition of my arm muscles is my next hurdle.

But running? As soon as I'm cleared post surgically... I WANT to run!!! My tummy skin and fat are GONE. I can't even imagine how wonderful this is going to feel. That sense of freedom... when your mind opens completely and your body relaxes into the rhythm... Unbelievable. I'm tempted to analyze how I ever gave that up... but for now, I'm going to just go with the good.

I know I'm repeating myself quite a bit on my blog. This is not a new concept that I'm discussing. I apologize, but it's selfish. I need this repetition to solidify things in my own mind. Sometimes it seems I'm trying to convince myself of certain concepts... and I am. I always seem to default to negative thoughts, so blogging is my way of clearing those thoughts out.

So, here I am. I'm feeling so much better this morning. The swelling is way down. I'm obviously super gung ho about getting outside... and it's snowing out today! Tomorrow is prom for my daughter and her boyfriend so we have lots of things to get done between now and then. Her gown is definitely not a snowy weather dress, so this should be interesting. The whole process is still really fun... for ME! We got to do the whole "prom" thing for me with the charity gala two weekends ago, and now we get to do hers. I love this kind of crap!

Have a fabulous Friday everyone and thanks for putting up with me the past few days.


  1. I think you deserve to be selfish for once. Enjoy your daughters prom!

  2. Enjoy the prom and enjoy are not being selfish at all!

  3. Hello,
    Have just found your blog, have just read the last few enteries and will read the whole lot. You've done fantastically, well done!

  4. I bet your daughter will look beautiful. It's a special time for both of you - enjoy :)

  5. ugh snow!!! you are a trooper.. that would send me over the edge.. I admire people who can run, I have such crappy knees.. but I imagine you still need to take it a bit easy, you are still healing.
    I am right there with you on the arms thing.. mine are flappy and my arms are the weakest point on my body..

    Please take some pix of the prom couple. I loved the proms, I had two daughters and just loved helping them with the details.

  6. So good to hear you are in better spirits.

  7. Oh yah - you can run - totally. I can see you as a runner you hot mama. Loves you - so happy you are feeling better.

  8. You're the bomb! I bet your arms will look fab an as for running.. kudos! I think it is for the birds but that is the asthma talking...

    Glad to hear the swelling is better. I'm still afraid!

    Have a great time with your daughter!

    well, I'm off like a prom dress
    (just kidding) till next time, Jen

  9. So glad your swelling is starting to go down!

    Now I know you must be crazy - you LOVE to run!! ;-)

  10. Enjoy the prom and your new goal of running...again. I love running too but I think after two long term injurires it is off the cards for me now!!! Glad you are doing so well