Monday, February 22, 2010

Fatism ALERT!

Consider yourself forewarned! So, Oprah (aka Amy W) had a great post about whether our blogs feed our obsession (pun intended) with our weight. Um. Yes. I've been pondering how messed up my brain really is when it comes to weight issues. Example? Sure. This weekend while clothes shopping (hello transfer addiction!), I was looking at some XL tops and thinking "holy shit, these are freaking huge, complete tents" and moving on to the size L's because that's the size I currently wear. Since when were XL's huge??? Where's the girl that not even two months ago was so f-ing happy and exstatic to be wearing XL's??? You know, the girl who a year ago was a size 28??? And how exactly did my brain not process how huge that was as I was getting there? But, I swear to you that these tops yesterday (all different brands and designs) looked ginormous to my eyes/brain. Figure that out, Dr. Freud.

Moving on... reverse fatism? Why are people threatened, critical, jealous, I don't know what word I'm looking for- when others lose weight? When I have a friend who has a great job, or a cool house, or makes lots of money, or looks fabulous- I think it makes ME look good. It wouldn't cross my mind to be unhappy about any of it. Are people reallly upset because I might be happy? Luckily, I'm not getting this from anyone that I truly would be upset about... but still. Really?

I've had alot of shit going on at work. I love the adrenalin. I'm a junky. So, I'm counting that.

Yogurt, oatmeal, pepperjack cheese, deli ham, lasagna- 700 cals, 35 grams protein. And, guess what girlfriends? I'm still off the diet pepsi... and I feel SO MUCH better! Fabulous. Expect a post on the evils of diet soda. Probably not, but I'll most likely mention it ad nauseum. Have a great rest o' Monday.


  1. Good food for thought...We're just that messed up in the head (for me it's my BDD...I can never see and appreciate myself as I am).

  2. Please don't say anything bad about diet soda. I've already rationalized that I will still have some in a month. Please. I'm hanging on by a thread.

  3. I think it is great that you are recognizing and accepting your new body shape and transition.. so people have a very difficult time accepting that they are not fat anymore.. give yourself a big pat on the shoulder.. because that is progress.. Nice to read you kept your total cals under 900.. this will be a new venture to me.. be well.. hugs.

  4. I understand - at least to a degree!! I am still wearing some of my 3x shirts and 22 pants around the house since I haven't got out a lot of smaller clothes yet. Some of them are sooo huge on me. I knew they were big before, but not like this. But then I also look at my 16s and say how small they are :)

    I would guess that the person or people you are talking about have issues with their self worth (even if they don't show it). I have a childhood friend that always had to make me feel bad about things that I got/acheived. Even though I was always happy for her. When I got my new car (by myself at age 20) she said how she would have gotten something different. She still hasn't visited the house I bought over 4 years ago even though she is in the area several times a year. If I remember right she asked why I picked the town I did and how she would have....

    I don't think I will ever tell her what I did and I really don't want her to know about my weight loss until it is over, but then I am sure I would hear about how I could do it better. It is sooo frusterating and I don't fully get it, but earlier this year I realized that she HAS to be better than those around her. She always has to some degree. It has nothing to do with me even though it feels like it.

  5. I've just discovered your blog (thanks for following mine!).

    You have done so well with the band - congratulations!! I love reading stories like yours - they give me hope and inspiration :-)

  6. ooh, I totally know why people (WOMEN) are jealous when you lose weight..even when they are already on the thin side! BC weight loss is the holy grail of womenhood. For all of the reasons we list...we let it define us. And people worry that if YOU can do it, but they can't...they are less of a person.

    Thank you for the comparison! :)

    And you are a better person than me bc I AM jealous of my friends with better houses, jobs, etc!

  7. regarding people being jealous... kind of the same vein... i have decided to stop telling people how much i have lost when then ask. because for some reason i am never satisfied with their reaction. it is like they expect the number to be higher or something...